A couple of crap jokes:

• Have you heard they’re making a film about the Shipman case, starring Robert DeNero as Dr Shipman? It’s going to be called The Old-Dear Hunter.
• A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre… So the landlord gives her one.

BBC News: Robot slugkiller ready to roll
A hi-tech method of ridding the world of the evil that is slug, but is it as effective as my own decidedly low-tech method?

Liverpool 5 : Germany 1
Ludwig van Beethoven, Martin Luther, Helmut Kohl, Wolfgang Petersen, can you hear me? Your lads took one hell of a beating!