Shhh! You haven’t seen me, right?
I’m going deeply covert on a TIP TOP SECRET assignment for a couple of weeks. If anyone asks, I’ve gone to Scarborough. If anyone doesn’t ask, whatever you do, don’t let the cat out of the bag.
Schtum’s the word.
Savvy?
BBC: Elephant dash saved tsunami girl
An eight-year-old survivor of the Asian disaster has told how her life was saved by a four-year-old elephant.Amber Mason, of Milton Keynes, Bucks, was riding Ningnong in the Thai resort of Phuket when the devastating waves struck the beach. As the wave swept in and with water up to his shoulders, Ningnong dashed out of the waves to the top of the beach, carrying Amber to safety.
So, it would appear that not all elephants have a mysterious sixth sense, after all. The tsunami certainly seems to have caught young Ningnong napping.
My friend Chloë drew some pictures for me on Tuesday. I said I’d show them to all my other friends:
See also: Richard by Chloë
The first image from Titan, showing what appears to be a delta emptying into a sea (although, let's face it, I haven't a clue what I'm talking about).
Congratulations to everyone at the European Space Agency and Nasa. Totally fantastic! More please!
It’s incredible to think that, not so very long ago, we hadn’t even fathomed this new-fangled fire thing.
Not bad for a bunch of souped-up monkeys, when you think about it.
I know the feeling.
BBC: Nose ‘more complex than jet wing’
Scientists say the way airflow around the nose is more complex than that in a jumbo jet’s wing.
The airflow around a brick is also more complex than that in a jumbo jet’s wing. In fact, Boeing’s engineers spent an awful lot of money making sure that’s the case.
See also: Soundbite science
BBC: Did animals have quake warning?
Wildlife officials in Sri Lanka have reported that, despite the loss of human life in the Asian disaster, there have been no recorded animal deaths…
Many tourists drowned but, to the surprise of officials, few dead animals have been found. It has highlighted claims that animals may possess a “sixth sense” about danger.
Yes, and I have a sixth sense about bullshit.
Pit vipers can detect body heat (infra-red radiation) through special pits in the head. That’s a sixth sense of sorts (although you could say it’s just another form of vision—infra-red radiation being a perfectly normal form of light). Hammerhead sharks can detect the minute electrical impulses of their prey’s nervous systems at a (short) distance. That’s a sixth sense. But the news item quoted above continues:
Debbie Martyr, who works on a wild tiger conservation programme on the Indonesian island of Sumatra, one of the worst-hit areas in Sunday’s disaster, said she was not surprised to hear the animals had avoided the catastrophe.
“Wild animals in particular are extremely sensitive,” she said. “They’ve got extremely good hearing and they will probably have heard this flood coming in the distance.
In other words, this mysterious sixth sense would appear to be, erm, hearing.
And there was I thinking so few tigers had been reported killed because there were so few of them alive in the first place.
Me: I bought a suitcase at the weekend.
Dad: Did you?
Me: I got it in the sales?
Dad: Oh yes?
Me: It’s one of those really solid ones.
Dad: That’s good.
Me: It has one of those extendable handles at the back.
Dad: …Did you say fruit cake?
Quite clearly not a goal.
As everyone knows, rule 27, sub-clause 14 of the Rules of Association Football clearly states:
Should the home team at Old Trafford concede the goal within the last 10 minutes of normal play to put them one goal behind, that goal shall be disallowed immediately.
The rules are perfectly clear, you see.
The following advice might be of some use if you are planning a surprise meal (namely Chick Pea Curry and Tuna Curry) for your partner:
Et voila!