Sexing the buried

BBC: Experts tell Mr from Mrs dinosaur
Palaeontologists think they have found a way to tell whether dinosaur fossils are from males or females.

When I was at university in the mid-80s, I attended an archaeology class in which we got to play around with the bones of dead Anglo-Saxons. The honorary lecturer (a surgeon who dabbled in archaeological bones for a hobby) handed me a skull and asked me if I could tell him anything about it:

“It’s definitely human.”
“Very funny. Anything else?”
“It’s definitely dead.”
“Come on now, be serious. Can you tell me anything about this skull?”
“Erm… It’s female.”
“Excellent! That’s amazing! Sexing a human skull is surprisingly difficult. What makes you say it’s female?”
“Its mouth is open.”

I was then lynched by a couple of feminist archaeology undergraduates wearing dungarees who had absolutely no sense of humour.

Actually, despite my titting about, it was a really cool class: we got to mess around with lepers’ bones, and re-assemble a fox’s skeleton with its head on the wrong end.

Question ≠ ?

BBC: Question mark over food factory

No there isn’t.

BBC: Iraq question won’t go away
…What the leak does show then is that, firstly, Lord Goldsmith did originally raise significant question marks over the possible legality of the war.

No he didn’t.

BBC: Pen state
Never mind Brian Sedgemore, another question mark was raised about New Labour today as a result of their campaign pens.

No one wasn’t.

BBC: Dangerous new phase for DR Congo peace
…In addition, there is always a political question mark over whether UN soldiers—however good they may be technically—will fight.

No there isn’t.

BBC: Eisteddfod 2007 site difficulties
…A question mark over the siting of the 2007 event was raised after Roderick Owen, President of Cymdeithas Cymry Lerpwl (Liverpool Welsh Society), confirmed he had sent a letter to Mr Roberts.

No it wasn’t.

BBC: Question mark over arrest death

No there isn’t.

The word is question, not question mark. A question is something that is asked (overtly or implicitly); a question mark is a punctuation symbol. Question marks only hang over physical objects in cartoons. It’s not that difficult to get right.

Pluto’s Republic

Talking of Miss Universe, it’s just occurred to me, WHAT THE HELL ARE DOG SHOWS ALL ABOUT THEN?

Don’t get me wrong, dogs are fantastic—man’s best friend, and all that (and so much better than bloody cats)—but what sort of person enters their pet in a dog show?

OK, I can just about see the point of entering them in obedience competitions or sheepdog trails—testing the dog’s skills against those of their peers—but what sort of nutter enters Fido in a bloody beauty contest?

But forget about the owners; what sort of weirdo actually judges dog beauty contests? What sort of DERANGED LUNATIC marches up and down a line of TOTALLY IDENTICAL dogs, feels each of them up a bit, then decides that one particular basset hound most closely resembles some mythical Platonic Form of basset-houndedness? These guys are in serious need of help.

Then, at the end of the show, to top it all, they line up a bunch of TOTALLY DIFFERENT BREEDS of dog and somehow decide that this bloke’s bloody poodle is better-looking than this old dear’s chow and this kid’s dalmatian. HOW THE HELL DO THEY DO THAT THEN?

It’s like if I asked you, “Which do you prefer: cream cakes, Radiohead, entropy, or the colour blue?” IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY BLOODY SENSE! YOU’RE NOT COMPARING LIKE WITH LIKE!

But forget about the dog show judges; what sort of TOTAL LOSER sits in the bloody audience at dog shows? What sort of person actually pays money to go and watch some weirdo feel up a bunch of dogs and then say poodles are better than spaniels?

Totally bloody bonkers!

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