Approaching the checkout at Tesco on Thursday, I couldn’t believe my luck when I spotted Laphroaig whisky on offer. I slipped a bottle into my trolley.

I couldn’t believe my luck even further when I found the checkout totally empty. I began transferring my shopping on to the conveyor belt, asking the girl on the till not to start loading my stuff into plastic bags, as I had my own reusable ones. It flustered her a bit. Then another girl came and set next to her and asked her if it was her first day—which it was.

To be honest, I felt a bit bad about getting the poor girl flustered on her first day. So, as I was collecting my receipt, I made a point of saying, “I think you’re doing absolutely brilliantly, considering it’s your first day”. The girl was absolutely delighted.

Then I walked through the security scanners, and all hell broke loose.

The stupid tart had forgotten to take the security tag off my bottle of Laphroaig.