Because women aren't allowed to.
Last night, I dreamt that I caught the end of a piece on BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour, in which some feminist was spouting bollocks about Charles Darwin. As opposed to spouting bollocks about men in general, I mean. I decided to write a letter to put them straight. But then I woke up.
Letters to Radio 4… Even in my dreams, I am hopelessly middle-class.
They're trying to do us out of a job, lads!
Observer: MPs back artificial sperm for childless
MPs are planning a change in the law to allow babies to be conceived from artificial sperm, a move described by opponents as playing God with human DNA.
This is clearly a feminist plot to make us chaps totally superfluous. Ensure all of the offspring are female, and they could half the world's population through natural wastage within a century. It would probably also curtail nearly all global conflict.
Actually, I'm struggling to come up with a reason why this is a bad idea.
…so I've decided not to let it bother me.