Do you realise you’re on a scooter?
For reasons that need not detain us, I needed to post a DVD to Greece on Friday. The man at Hebden Bridge Post Office weighed the slim envelope, consulted his computer, and told me that the postage would be £1.28. Bargain!
Then the man flexed the corner of the envelope suspiciously. “Have you enclosed a letter in here?” he asked.
Ha! Not catching me out with that one! “Oh, no,” I replied, quite truthfully, “it’s just a DVD, nothing else!”
The man then re-consulted his computer, and told me that the postage would actually be £5.xx. I didn’t catch the exact amount, as I went into shock after the words five pounds.
The man explained that, had the envelope contained a letter as well as a DVD, it would count as personal correspondence. Without such a letter, it was classified as a small package. Small packages cost more to send than personal correspondence. Considerably more, apparently.
“What?” I whatted. “It costs £4 more to send exactly the same envelope without a letter than it does with a letter?!”
The man nodded.
I looked him straight in the eyes. “That’s BONKERS!” I observed.
The look on the man’s face told me two things: 1) I was by no means the first customer to make this observation, and 2) he agreed.
I then has a brain-wave and disclosed, once again quite truthfully, that I had, in fact, written in pen on front of the DVD. I asked if this didn’t make the DVD itself into personal correspondence. The man confirmed my suspicion that it didn’t.
So, I took my envelope back, went home, opened it, took out the DVD, addressed a brand new envelope, inserted the DVD and a note to the recipient saying words to the effect of “By enclosing this note, I am saving ⅔ of the postage. I trust you are well.”, sealed the envelope, wrote the wordson the bottom, returned to the Post Office, and announced, “I’d like to send some personal correspondence to Greece, please.”
It cost me £1.28.
The joke is starting to wear a bit thin now.
This morning, the Times newspaper reportedly declared Hebden Bridge to be the ‘coolest place’ in which to live in Britain.
Murdoch must be getting desperate: he’s nicking my editorials now.
The 2014 Tour de France will be passing through Hebden Bridge.
We’d better lay on some extra horse meat.