Picture round

You know the picture round from A Question of Sport, where they show you a subtly obscured photo of some sporting celebrity you've never heard of, and you have to try and guess who it is? Well, my Dad and I attended a practice day at the Open yesterday, and I took a picture-round-type photo. See if you can guess who it is:

Ernie Els, British Open 2014, Hoylake

Ernie Els, yesterday… D'OH!!

You will note that, while I insist on referring to the so-called World Cup as the Soccer World Cup (there being more than one World Cup), I refer to the British Golf Open Championship simply as The Open. This is because my Dad has drilled it into me for decades that, while there are French, American, and other golf open championships, as well as open championships that aren't even golf, the British Golf Open Championship is rightly referred to simply as The Open. As if to prove him annoyingly right, the Royal & Ancient has even managed to bag the theopen.com domain. So there.

[The answer is Ernie Els, by the way.]

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Soccer World Cup

Did you receive your free (soccer) World Cup copy of The Sun through the post this morning?

Me too. Murdoch really is clutching at straws, isn't he?

Here's what I did with my copy:

Murdoch shite

You won't be at all surprised to hear that soccer World Cup coverage will be pretty light on Gruts—what with soccer being a totally rubbish game, and everything. The only match of interest, as far as I can see, will be Bosnia and Herzegovina v. Iran on 25th June—and that only for the prospect of seeing two countries playing against one. I wonder if they'll all wear different colours, and have three sets of goal-posts.

Come on, you Bosnia and Herzegovina! Haway the lads!

People of Brazil, lock up your children!

Guardian: Manaus mayor asks England fans to behave 'like priests'

Citizen for a day

A soccer game. The home team is one goal down after 90 minutes. The referee allows play to continue until the home team scores two goals…

Did he think he was at Old Trafford or something?

Well done Manchester City!

Your heart just has to go out to all those dejected United fans on their way back home to London right now.

(Nah! Mine neither.)

Big end tart

BBC Sport: Stoke 1-1 Dynamo Kiev
Kenwyne Jones' towering late header ensured Stoke progressed to the knockout phase of the Europa League.

I'm not sure that I like the idea of Dynamo Kiev. I tried Chicken Kiev once, and it was OK, but dynamoReally?

I wonder if all Russian soccer clubs name their teams after exotic engine-component recipes. I have to say, Sump Pavlova sounds rather nice, but I'm not at all sure about Carburettor Rarebit.

Those Russians are crazy. I mean, which other country on earth would name an entire town Ardon? I kid you not.

 Postscript: Oh, apparently Switzerland would. And France (twice). And Spain. Who says the Europeans can never agree on anything?

Newspaper hack

Let it not be said that all soccer players are a bunch of ignorant buffons. This from the increasingly erudite Wayne Rooney on Twitter earlier this week:

Scotland Yard detectives came to see me earlier and showed me some documents, looks like a newspaper have hacked into my phone.

Clear, concise, and almost grammatically correct.

Well done, Wayne. 7/10.

The beautiful game

Apparently, I missed the soccer world cup. Apparently, we didn't win. Not quite sure how I managed to miss that, but I'm glad I did. Life's too short to spend it watching crappy sports played by crappy, overpaid, oversexed losers.

Whoever dubbed soccer the beautiful game had clearly never seen women's beach volleyball.