True story: My Dad has just informed me that, after he had hit a near-perfect drive down the fairway on Saturday, a rook swooped down and flew off with his golfball.
BBC: Tsonga and Azarenka among seven to pull out of Wimbledon
Seven players have been forced to pull out of Wimbledon on Wednesday in the most injury-hit second round in the competition’s history…
Organisers rejected Azarenka’s claims that the courts were of poor quality, describing them as “excellent”. But Maria Sharapova, who lost to Michelle Larcher De Brito on court two, referred to the surface as “dangerous”.
Watching Wimbledon? Me neither.
Here’s a suggestion how to make tennis more interesting—by which, I mean, here’s a suggestion how to make tennis even vaguely interesting: any player who has to retire injured after a fall should be shot like a racehorse. That would make them think twice before saying they’d twisted their poor, little ankle. More to the point, it would make them think several hundred times before going on to the stupid court in the first place.
Then we wouldn’t have to put up with even shittier telly than normal for most on June.
(I am so not a tennis person.)
Surely the most Tennissy Williamses.
(I’m here all week, folks.)
You can say what you like about Augustus the Strong, Elector of Saxony, but he was one hell of a tosser. At one tournament he presided over, 647 foxes, 533 hares, 34 badgers and 21 wildcats were killed for fun.
Animal tossing, most commonly fox tossing, was once a popular sport in certain parts of Europe—primarily amongst the aristocracy, obviously. Two toffs would take either end of a large sling and launch the wild creatures skywards, usually to deadly effect.
Unusually for a blood sport practised almost exclusively by the aristocracy, fox tossing went the way of blood sports popular amongst mere plebs, such as bear baiting, cock fighting, and goose pulling. Yes, goose pulling.
Well, call me controversial, but I think it might be time for an animal tossing revival. Only this week, we’ve heard how we need to cull 50% of the deer in the UK to protect the countryside. Personally, I’d re-introduce wolves to keep them in check, but I suspect I’m in the minority on that one. So why don’t we launch our spare deer into the air instead? Can you imagine how cool it would be to toss a deer—to see it actually somersaulting through the air? I’d pay good money to see that. Then there’s the invasive grey squirrels. Bastards! Up in the air with them too! And cats, obviously. Bloody, bloody cats!
Seriously, though, I’m struggling to see any drawbacks with this one: fewer deer, grey squirrels and cats ruining the countryside; still no wolves to worry about; and even the toffs are happy!
It’s a win-win-win!
The 2014 Tour de France will be passing through Hebden Bridge.
We’d better lay on some extra horse meat.
The girlfriend of the son of the woman who cuts our hair, as she watched the Paralympic equestrian dressage event earlier this week:
Is it the horses who are disabled, or the riders?
So, Team GB finished the 2012 London Olympics with a magnificent haul of 29 gold medals.
Let’s put that figure into some sort of perspective. If you were to trade each one of Team GB‘s gold medals for an African elephant, you would have 29 African elephants: a sizeable herd in anyone’s book.
If you were to trade each one of the USA’s 46 gold medals for a hairy wood ant, however, you would only have 46 hairy wood ants: barely enough to form a viable colony. And if you were to trade each one of China’s 38 gold medals for a honey bee, their entire lifetimes’ honey output, assuming 36 of them were drones, would be insufficient to fill a packet of Lockets honey and lemon cough sweets.
A herd of African elephants versus a struggling colony of wood ants, or half a packet of Lockets. Just dwell on that comparison for a union-flag-waving moment.
(The least said about Australia’s paltry seven termites the better.)