How the International Olympic Committee saw the final Olympic rankings.
How the American broadcaster NBC saw the rankings
Still, at least they’re agreed on one thing: Great Britain came a magnificent fourth.
That’s above Australia.
Got that, Bruce?
(Hat-tip to John Lynch.)
In celebration of the return of Association Football to our television sets (has it really only been 3.4 nanoseconds?), we give you the timeless Kicker Conspiracy by the equally timeless The Fall:
(Come on you Reds!)
Which moron decided that our Beijing Olympics team should be called Team GB? Some sort of stupid focus group, no doubt.
Gordon Brown is behind this, mark my words.
Golfer Henrik 'Stense' Stenson with his caddie, Fanny Sunesson, yesterday.
More photos from yesterday’s 2008 Open practice round here.
Romanian tennis legend Ilie Nastase walked right past me in Liverpool this lunchtime.
No, I know what you’re thinking: you’re thinking Richard means someone with a vague resemblance to Ilie Nastase walked right past him in Liverpool this lunchtime. But you’re wrong; it really was him.
As far as I could tell, nobody else recognised him. Then he looked at me, and we smiled at each other knowingly. It was our little secret.
I couldn’t help noticing that the new 100m world record holder is the rather appropriately named Usain Bolt.
Kind of makes you think.
Having the surname Carter, I occasionally had to put up with farter jokes at school. It never really bothered me. Donald Trump had a similar problem, I understand, and it didn’t do him any harm.
I do wonder, however, how Dean Windass ever managed to cope.
The poor bastard.
I know it must seem patently obvious, but, in case you were in any doubt, I’d better say this up-front: I really don’t plan any of this crap beforehand, you know…
A week last Sunday, I urged you all to listen to what World-Cup-winning former England rugby coach, Sir Clive Woodward, had to say.
This afternoon I quite unexpectedly found myself doing just that—in the flesh, so to speak.
Don’t believe me, huh?
Me and Sir Clive 'Call Me Clive' Woodward this afternoon. (I'm the one on the left.)
Admit it: you’re mildly impressed.
Accentuate the negative, that’s what I always say:
BBC: Pendleton misses golden hat-trick
Reigning champion Victoria Pendleton missed out on gold in the final of the keirin at the Track Cycling World Championships in Manchester…
Pendleton adds the silver to her two golds from the sprints.
Sod of, Beeb! Two golds and a silver are a hell of an achievement. Especially when you consider she’d never actually seen a bike until a week last Tuesday. Or something like that.
I think she should change her name to Victoria Pedalton.
Pedalton… Do you see what I did there?
BBC: Italy 19–23 England
England laboured to their first Six Nations victory of 2008 but did nothing to answer the critics with a far from impressive display in Rome.
It was like last week all over again: England played great in the first half, and abysmally in the second.
“I don’t get it,” said Jen after the match. “They come back on after tea-time and they’re a different team.”
Shit! Do you think that’s it? Do you think our lads are actually taking a proper tea break? While the Welsh and Italians were making do with a slice of orange, were our boys stuffing their fat faces with cake and scones and maybe a slice of apple pie?
More plum duff? Don’t mind if I do!
I’ll bet that’s it!
Jesus!
BBC: Shortlist revealed for BBC award
Ten contenders have been named on the shortlist for the 2007 BBC Sports Personality of the Year award.
I couldn’t help noticing that the shortlist does not include a single representative from the sport of pathetic, overpaid, mincing prima donnas.
I had no idea Gruts was so influential.
BBC: England 2–3 Croatia
England failed to qualify for Euro 2008 after losing a sensational game against Croatia at Wembley.
Why do we waste valuable airtime on these pathetic no marks? Time to embrace a vastly superior sport as our national game.
(Well done, Croatia, by the way. You showed up our pathetic, overpaid, mincing prima donnas for what they are: a bunch of pathetic, overpaid, mincing prima donnas.)
BBC: England 6-15 South Africa
South Africa ended England’s reign as world champions as the Springboks claimed their second World Cup victory.
The scoreline flattered South Africa, but, to be fair, they were the best team in the tournament—if not on the pitch.
The Australian television match official inflicted by far the most damage on the defending champions by disallowing Cueto’s clear try early in the second half. The question has to be asked: why didn’t he have access to the same video images as the rest of the world?
England were written off as no-hopers before tournament. We never expected to get to the final.
We’ll be back.
We WON! Against all the odds, we actually bloody won! We’re in the sodding Rugby World Cup final!
Your heart has to go out to the poor French.
Yeah, right! Remember your very own Baron de Coubertin, you Frogs: l’important n’est pas de gagner mais de participer.
Yeah, in yer face, Pierre! Them’s the words of a looooooosssssseeeeeeeerrrrrr!
Magic mustard! Well done, our lads!
What the hell is going on? Liverpool FC are actually winning matches at the start of the season. Haven’t they read the script? Don’t they realise they’re not supposed to do that?
BBC: Liverpool 6-0 Derby
Liverpool outclassed Derby to move to the top of the Premier League table for the first time under Rafa Benitez…
It was an utterly dominant performance from the Reds, who have now won five out of their six games in all competitions this season – but none as easily as this.
Yes, and it would have been six out of six, had it not been for a certain visually challenged referee, who was almost certainly wearing Chelsea underpants at the time.
Yes, that’s right, referee Ron Styles is the only person to have deprived Liverpool of points so far this season. As things stand, that puts him one point above Derby County.
Watching Match of the Day with Jen:
J: Is that Emlyn Hughes on the bench?
R: No.
J: Are you sure?
R: Yes. Emlyn Hughes is dead.
J: Are we watching an old match or something?
Liverpool dented Chelsea’s Premiership title challenge in impressive style…
The defeat leaves Chelsea six points behind Manchester United – who visit Arsenal on Sunday – and puts Liverpool only five points behind Jose Mourinho’s troubled champions.
I never thought I’d live to see the day, but, a couple of weeks ago, an ardent Liverpool fan who shall remain nameless—so let’s call him Bill—stated quite unequivocally that he would rather Manchester United won the Premiership than Chelsea.
I’m totally confused. What is the world coming to?
Ya cannae change the laws of physics, cap’n!
BBC: Europe clinch Ryder Cup hat-trick
Sweden’s Henrik Stenson [no relation] robbed Darren Clarke of a fairytale ending but home fans were still in raptures as Europe strolled to a 18½–9½ victory over America in the 36th Ryder Cup at the K Club.
That’s 18½–9½. I repeat: that’s 18½–9½ (again).
Well done, chaps!
I see Liverpool have made their usual flying start to the new season with a 1-1 draw against newly promoted Sheffield United.
I have a theory (which is easily checked, but I’m not about to in case it turns out to be wrong) that, if Liverpool could average the same number of points in the first quarter of each season as they do in the remaining three-quarters, they would win the championship pretty much every year. They always seem to play totally crap at the start of the season, then spend the rest of it playing catch-up.
They also seem to be a lot better at taking points off the good teams than off the crap ones.
What’s particularly irksome about yesterday’s result is that I was genuinely delighted when the Blades were promoted last season, and I hope they do well (i.e. avoid relegation) this one.
But not by taking points off Liverpool.
Bloody hell, Jen‘s kid brother (a fanatical Blades fan) is going to be unsufferable the next time we go out for a few pints!