To: The Archbishop of Canterbury-Elect

The Rt. Rev. Dr. George Carey,
Archbishop of Canterbury-Elect,
Wells Cathedral,

30th July, 1990.

Dear Bishop,

So, you got the top job: congratulations!

I must admit, I had my money (a fiver) on our local lad, David Sheppard. Had I been sensible enough to put the money on you, I would now be a hundred quid better off; but, no hard feelings - it's always easy to choose a rank outsider after the event. I bet the bookies were as pleased as Punch!

Now here's a thing: I see from yesterday's Sunday Independent that you are an evangelist who is fond of a pint. This is right-on! Personally, I never had much time for evangelism (too trendy by half, if you ask me - though I don't suppose it does any harm and the kids love it), but an ale drinker is somebody with whom I can relate. I would be very interested to learn which is your favourite pint, but I suppose it would be a bit unethical for a man who will soon be sitting in the big seat at Lambeth Palace to be seen to be advertising that sort of thing. If you ever find yourself preaching in this parish, however, I heartily recommend our local brew, "Wobbly Bob".

While I'm at it, I would like to take the opportunity to ask for your views on the subject of Speaking in Tongues. Now, the thing is, without meaning to be disrespectful, I always maintained that it's a bunch of meaningless mumbo-jumbo, ranking alongside such other "phenomena" as crop circles, copper bracelets and virgin birth (sorry!). After a few pints of Wobbly Bob, I usually start speaking in a special gibberish all of my own, but I would never be so bold as to claim to have been possessed by the "holy spirit", or whatever it is those who speak in tongues claim - it would never stand up in court. Isn't it about time the speakers of tongues were told to stop acting the goat, frightening the easily-fooled, and behave themselves? I don't think it shows a very Christian attitude on their behalves. I do hope you will put a stop to this sort of nonsense when you become archbishop.

On this rather sombre note, I shall sign-off. Congratulations, once again, on your promotion and best of luck in the new job.

Yours sincerely,

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