BBC: Germany begins to turns against wind (29-Sep-03)
…The wind sector has even come under attack from an unexpected source. Environmentalists have attacked plans for Germany’s first offshore wind park, due to be constructed in the North Sea in 2005. They say the windmills are noisy, ugly and a danger to bird life.

Sounds to me as if someone wants to have their Battenberg and eat it. But good on them: at least they’re starting to acknowledge that there might actually be some drawbacks with these formerly impeccable wind power-stations.

…Yes, that’s right: power-stations; not wind farms; not wind parks; wind power-stations. Damn clever naming them after lovely green things like farms and parks. And have you ever noticed how these power-stations don’t generate energy by slowing down the wind (thereby altering the climate)? No, they harvest the wind. How irreproachable! And don’t windmills sound so much nicer than horrible, industrial-sounding wind turbines? But I suppose you’d expect the proponents of wind power to know all about spin.

Postscript: I stand corrected. Apparently, wind powerstations don’t slow the wind down; they speed it up! But my basic argument still stands: wind powerstations remove energy from the wind, so they affect the climate.

Another great headline I can’t believe I missed from earlier this month:

BBC: Self-parking car hits the shops (01-Sep-03)

Three items from this morning’s political news (courtesy of the BBC):

Tories fear ‘birth dearth’
People should have more children to counter an ageing population in Europe, a Tory MP is expected to argue.

Lib Dems to focus on tax
…The Lib Dems have promised to abolish council tax as soon as possible after coming to power and to replace it with a local income tax of up to 3%.

University admissions shake-up
The university applications system faces an overhaul, as a [Labour] government task force looks for a fairer way of selecting students. This could include taking into account social disadvantages and the type of school a student attended.

I’m in a real quandry here: with so many objectionable ideas being generated by each of the UK’s major political parties, come the next election, how on earth am I going to decide which party I don’t want to vote for the least?

“That’ll be £1.50, please.”
“There you are.”
“Would you like a banana?”
“What are you trying to say, like?”
“They’re free!”
“You’ll be telling me they grown on trees next.”

You know what really winds me up? When a friend pops round to your place to ask for a favour, and, while you’re agreeing to do it, unbeknownst to you, their dog is pissing on your briefcase.

BBC: Binge drinking costing billions
Britain’s binge drinking culture is costing the country £20 billion a year, according to a government report.

Oh, crap, here we go: they’ve persecuted the poor old smokers into hiding, so now they’re going to turn their guns on the drinkers. Hey, I’ve got a great New-Labour-type solution to the problem: rather than harmonise our taxes with Europe (like we’re supposed to, if you remember, so we can adopt the euro), why don’t we put a ridiculously high tax on alcohol? Oh, hang on…

How long before the first passive drinking stories, do you reckon? And then, no doubt, they’ll try to ban the consumption of alcohol in pubs.

BBC: UK bans spam messages
The UK has made spam a criminal offence to try to stop the flood of unsolicited messages.

Well, that’s that one sorted, then. Phew!

BBC: Sleep position gives personality clue
Scientists believe the position in which a person goes to sleep provides an important clue about the kind of person they are.

Personally, I tend to go to sleep in bed. Apparently, this means I’m a natural sceptic, who doesn’t believe in bullshit theories.

Professor Idzikowski also found that one arm or leg sticking out of the duvet is Britain’s most common position, followed by both feet poking out the end.

If you sleep in the former position, you have the sort of personality that makes you buy duvets that are too hot; if you sleep in the latter position, you have the sort of personality that makes you buy duvets that are too short.

BBC: Exploding star hunters make history

Not quite as interesting as the headline suggests: it’s the stars that are exploding.

To celebrate the life and music of the late, great genius that was Johnny Cash, this evening we stuffed ourselves stupid on dry chicken curry and chick pea curry.

Not much of a tribute you might think, but, rest assured, tomorrow morning should lend a whole new meaning to the phrase Ring of Fire.

New Scientist: Meat eating is an old human habit
Humans evolved beyond their vegetarian roots and became meat-eaters at the dawn of the genus Homo, around 2.5 million years ago, according to a study of our ancestors’ teeth.

Have you got that, veggies? Evolved beyond their vegetarian roots. So don’t give me any of that crap about meat-eating being unnatural. Besides, if the good lord didn’t want us to eat animals, why did he make them so bloody tasty?

BBC: England destroy France
England gave their World Cup preparations the perfect finish with a five-try victory over France at Twickenham on Saturday night.

Louis Pasteur, Juliette Binoche, Jaques Chirac, Gérard Depardieu, Catherine Deneuve, Asterix, Obelix, Napoléon Bonaparte, Josephine Beauharnais peut vous ecoutez-moi? Nous made votre garçons look comme une bunch des filles.

BBC: Borneo’s elephants gain recognition (04-Sep-03)

My god, Caruthers… Do you know, I think they might be elephants!

BBC: Yoko to recreate naked art show (05-Sep-03)
Yoko Ono is to re-stage her conceptual art project which saw her invite people to cut off her clothes until she was left naked.

Yoko, NOOOOOOOOOOO! It wasn’t a pretty sight the first time round—and that was 40 years ago. You’re 70 years old, for Christ’s sake! Couldn’t you take up bingo or something instead?

BBC: Queen ‘to make historic Ireland visit’
The Queen is preparing for an historic trip to the Republic of Ireland, a report on Saturday suggests. The visit – which would be the first by a British monarch since partition in 1921 – has been agreed in principle by Buckingham Palace, Downing Street and the Irish Government, the Times newspaper reported.

I’m no royalist, but when you think that, despite all the things she’s done during her long reign, the queen has never enjoyed a pint of the cold, black stuff in an Irish pub, I kind of feel sorry for the poor lass.

Mind you, when was the last time Her Majesty enjoyed some of the warm, brown stuff in a British pub? There’s no excuse for that one.

BBC: Washington woos UN over Iraq
The United States is presenting its plan for a multinational force in Iraq to the UN Security Council… US Secretary of State Colin Powell signalled that Washington was ready to take its UN partners’ views on board.

I wonder how well those Freedom Fries go down with a large helping of Humble Pie.

BBC: Balloon record bid called off
A British team attempting to break the world altitude record for a crewed balloon have called off their mission after a last-minute hitch. At 0655 BST, with the envelope inflated to about 50 feet (15 metres), helium started to escape from the polythene structure and it collapsed.

Apparently, they think the gas might have escaped through the little holes they punched into the polythene to prevent children from suffocating.

BBC: Dutch baffled by Nigerian baboon noses

The BBC are on top form lately. Do you reckon their web journalists have got some sort of competition going on?

BBC: Private Lynch signs $1m book deal
The American soldier Jessica Lynch, who was rescued by US special forces after being taken prisoner in Iraq, has signed a $1m book deal with publisher Alfred A Knopf… [Photo caption:] Private Lynch is said to remember little of her ordeal.

Well, that should make a fascinating read, then.

BBC: Asteroid danger in 2014 downplayed
Astronomers monitoring near Earth objects are playing down the chances of a newly-discovered asteroid hitting Earth in 2014. They say that there is a one in 909,000 chance of asteroid 2003 QQ47 impacting our planet. The chances of a catastrophe are likely to become even slimmer once more measurements of the asteroid’s orbit have been made.

Erm, no they’re not: the chances of this potential catastrophe happening will in no way be affected by any measurements we might happen to make on Earth (either the catastrophe will happen, or it will not). Only the predicted odds of the catastrophe happening will be affected by the measurements.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the BBC website:

BBC: Earth hits ’2,000-year warming peak’

Of course, strictly speaking, you can’t talk about statistical peaks occurring in the present tense: for all we know, the temperature might continue to rise—in which case, the temperature now wouldn’t be the peak.