Hands up if you’re a wanker

BBC: Wayne Hennessey did not know what Nazi salute was - FA panel

Crystal Palace goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey did not know what a Nazi salute was when he was charged with making the offensive gesture, says a Football Association panel. The charge was found not proven this month and Wales international Hennessey, 32, will face no punishment.

He sounds a tad naïve, this Wayne Hennessey. I’m betting anyone that naïve is almost certainly also unaware of the phrase ‘pants on fire’.


At the park

—Does your dog bite, mister? Is it OK for us to stroke her?
—She’s not my dog; she’s my dad’s. But, no, she definitely won’t bite. She’s very likely to lick you, though.
—Oh, she’s lovely and friendly. Is she a puppy or an old dog?
—She acts as if she’s still a puppy, but she’s getting on a bit now.
—How old is she?
—Twelve.
—Oh… What’s that in dog years?
—Erm… Eighty-four.
—BLOODY HELL!!


Double standards

It turns out Einstein never actually said one of the many famous quotes he never actually said, namely that “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.” But the fact Einstein never said it doesn’t make the quote any less true.

BBC: Brexit: May to try to persuade MPs for third time to back deal

Prime Minister Theresa May will try to persuade MPs for a third time to back her Brexit deal over the coming days. The Commons will vote on her withdrawal agreement by 20 March, after previously rejecting it by 230 and then 149 votes.

Asking MPs to vote three times in a matter of weeks on exactly the same question is democracy in action, apparently. But asking the people who employ the MPs, several years after the referendum, now all the lies they were fed have been exposed for what they were, and now the details of what they would be getting themselves into are known, whether they might have changed their credulous, imbecilic minds*, and wish to stop this madness… Well, that would be the end of Western civilisation as we know it.

Apparently.

(* Not that I think for one moment the morons would actually change their minds, you understand.)