Oh, the humanity!

BBC: Cilla Black's funeral to feature song from Sir Cliff Richard

Hasn't her poor, bereaved family suffered enough already?

Having said that, I'm probably missing a golden opportunity to pop down there and play the Devil Woman Game.

Sing, if you're glad to be Che

Spotted on Twitter yesterday:

Stense's chameleon joke

Today marks the 25th anniversary of my friendship with Stense. To celebrate, here's a joke she emailed me last week:

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change colour? He had a reptile dysfunction.

I think my fondness for crap jokes has finally begun to rub off.

Incidentally, it's a little-known fact that Stense has a passion for amphibians and reptiles. Indeed, the study of amphibians and reptiles is her pet -ology.

(Do you see what I did, there?)

Not wishing to be pedantic, but...

Spectator: The myth of the 'middle class drink epidemic'
[…] The hook for all this is a study (in reality, a glorified survey) published in BMJ Open which found that successful, wealthy, middle class people over the age of 50 are more likely to exceed the government’s drinking guidelines than their peers.

No. Successful, wealthy, middle class people over the age of 50 drink, on average, exactly the same amount as their peers. That's because they're in the same peer-group.

What the article means to say is that successful, wealthy, middle class people over the age of 50 are more likely to exceed the government’s drinking guidelines than people in other groups (who, by definition, aren't their peers).

Come again?

Fishmonger [turning to me from an animated conversation]: Do you happen to know when Easter is next year?
Me: Yes, it'll be the first Sunday on or after the first full moon after the vernal equinox.
Fishmonger: Thanks!

...I've since looked it up, just to make sure, and it's not quite that simple. I blame the Council of Nicaea, and the Synod of Whitby.

On reflection, perhaps I should just have said 27th March.

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE!

Guardian: Katy Perry joins Taylor Swift v Nicki Minaj row – and brings Rihanna with her
Wading into the Twitter spat between Swift and Minaj over Video Music award nominations, Perry all but confirms that Swift’s hit single Bad Blood is about her.

No, me neither.

Come on, give it a go!

I know what you're wondering: what if the Fall were playing Glastonbury, and Mark E Smith suddenly took it into his head that he'd like to perform an unplanned rendition of Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band's Dropout Boogie?

The result, I should imagine, would go something like this.

My work here is complete.