Guacamole rigmarole!

I’m not dead.

I visited hospital for a quick in-and-out operation yesterday. Well, more of a quick pop-it-back-in operation. After waiting more that a decade in the vain hope it might magically sort itself out, I finally got round to having my hernia fixed.

In the pre-op interview, the anaesthetist asked if I was allergic to anything:

—Don’t worry, I don't think we’re likely to encounter any of those in the operating theatre.
—Not if your CAT scanner is working.
—Blimey, that was quick! she laughed.

I didn’t like to admit I’d been waiting over 11 years to repeat my legendary CAT-scanner joke.

—Any other allergies?
Avocados: I’ve not heard that one before! How does the allergy manifest itself?
—You really don’t want to know.
—I see. Not to worry, I won’t be administering any intravenous guacamole.

Still, we thought we’d better play it safe:

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Nice one, chancellor!

Guardian: UK will build own satellite system if frozen out of EU's Galileo – chancellor

The chancellor, Philip Hammond, has warned that the UK will build its own satellite navigation system to rival the European Union’s €10bn Galileo project if Brussels carries out its threat to block access.

Celebrate our heritage!

Prince Harry
The nasty little ginger shit this morning.
So, the nasty little ginger shit is to make an honest woman of Angela Merkel later today. In yer face, Brexiters! Celebrate our heritage! Keep our royal family German!

I remember the day the nasty little ginger shit’s mum married Prince Charles (note my careful wording, there). My dad and I were so excited, we climbed Snowdon simply to get away from the telly.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the horse races.