Time I duct

Jen: I was reading in the paper that the number of vasectomies in England has fallen by over 60% in the last ten years.
Me: Over 60%: that's a vas deferens.

Chuzzle wit

A literary joke for you:

Q: Who was the most notorious Dickensian groper?
A: David Cop-a-feel.

[You won't find high-brow entertainment like that in the Murdoch rags.]

Hitchin emails...

It’s just occurred to me that The Colo(u)r Purple was a mauvie.

Bad man.

3/10.

So, Thatcher has been cremated…

… I thought the Lady wasn't for burning!

Venus and Serena

Williams sisters

Surely the most Tennissy Williamses.

(I'm here all week, folks.)

Q: Which world leader is the pointiest?

Angular Merkel

A: Why, it's Angular Merkel, of course!

(I'm here all week, folks.)

StarWars™ neck-accoutrement pun challenge

Hitchin and his family are currently on holiday in the Yorkshire Dales, so, last weekend, Jen and I went over to visit them.

The Hitchins last Saturday

The Hitchins last Saturday

Hitchin proposed a walk. It was only a few inches on the map. But that (i.e. we) failed to take into account all of the contours involved. Then the sun came out. It was bloody knackering.

Arkleside Moor

Somewhere in the middle of nowhere last Saturday.

TIE fighter

A Twin-Ion Engine fighter a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...

Anyhoo, Hitchin's two lads are big StarWars™ fans, and, during lunch the following day, they informed me that StarWars™ TIE fighters are so named because they have Twin-Ion Engines. I told them (only half-jokingly) that I had always thought that TIE fighters were so named because of their resemblance to bow ties. I then joked that, had George Lucas wanted to continue the neckwear-related theme, he should have called those walking-tank things cravAT-ATs. (Do you see what I did there?)

So, over to you, Gruts Gang: can you think of any StarWars™ neck-accoutrement-related puns? Fifteen points for the worst answer. (But no points at all for Episode IV: A Noose Hope, because that has Jar-Jar Binks in it.)

More photos from our ridiculous walk »