Ladies, I have what I believe is a reasonable request:
In recent years, it has become fashionable for you to wear trousers with no waistbands and shirts/blouses with raised hems. The combined effect—I'm guessing it's deliberate—is to expose varying amounts of your mid-sections. No harm in that. I suppose it lets you show off your newly pierced belly-buttons (another fad I don't understand, but I don't suppose I need to).
However, might I request that you show a degree of common sense when toying with the idea of wearing such outfits? They do no justice whatsoever, for example, to women with extremely large and flabby beer-bellies (why not follow my own worthy example and keep them covered up?); heavily pregnant women look plain ridiculous in them (yes, we know you're proud to be fertile, but think of the dignity of your foetus); ladies of a certain age, I have two words for you: mutton and lamb; younger ladies, please note, the exposed thong is the 21st Century equivalent of the reversed baseball cap.
But I am prepared to put up with all of these minor indiscretions, if you promise not to break the ultimate taboo. Never again do I want to see (as I did in the Prestwich branch of Tesco on Thursday) an-inch-and-a-half of what can only be described as thatch creeping over the top of a waistband.
Although it did at least remind me to buy Weetabix.