I never had much time for wine poseurs, with their silly wine-tasting ceremonies, and their pretentious adjectives. But, as I started to develop a more discerning taste for wine, I began to realise that it isn't all bullshit: some wines really do smell of blackberries, others really are smokey, and you can detect a corked wine a mile off (if it smells of unwashed gym socks, believe me, it's corked—don't even think about drinking it; throw it away immediately).

But the glass of wine that I'm drinking as I type this—I won't name the brand for fear of litigation, but it's a 2003 vintage Australian Shiraz Cabernet which cost me £5.99—has a very strange property: it tastes very good (dry, with a strong, spicy flavour), but it smells—how can I put it?—it smells of, erm… well, to be totally frank, it smells of fox piss.

Just for the record, I cannot confirm whether or not fox piss also has a strong, dry, spicy flavour.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.

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