The Aeroplane Games

Our journey home from Sicily last week was eventful. There were three pissed Mancunian louts with silly haircuts being loud and obnoxious across the aisle from us on the flight from Gatwick to Manchester. The steward had a quiet word with them, not that it did any good.

They were so obnoxious that I spent the entire journey confined to my iPod. Bloody tossers, I thought to myself. Who do they think they are, Oasis or something?

It turned out they were an Oasis tribute band.

Anyway, being on an aeroplane game me the perfect opportunity to play both of my aeroplane games:

Aeroplane Game 1:

When the captain comes on to the P.A. system and begins with words along the lines of:

"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain John Mitchell welcoming you aboard flight BA1234 to Manchester…"

…you should turn immediately to the person next to you (who, in my case is nearly always Jen, and, therefore, fully familiar with the game), and blurt out in an alarmed voice:

"Not Captain John Mitchell! He's rubbish! He's the one they struck off last year, isn't he? How the hell did he get his licence back?"

But, as the captain continues his announcement with words along the lines of:

"My co-pilot on today's flight will be Andrew McTavish…"

…you (or, if they are familiar with the game, the person next to you) should sigh with relief, saying:

"Oh, that's good! Andrew McTavish is great! He'll look after us OK!"

That's it, basically. A harmless bit of fun which greatly amuses your fellow passengers.

Aeroplane Game 2:

As you are disembarking from the aeroplane, either down the steps or walking through the tunnel, you should call out:

"Hello, Cleveland! Rock and roll!"

(It's a quote from This Is Spinal Tap, and is, therefore, extremely funny.)

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.

One comment

  1. My usual comment in the departure lounge, when the flight is delayed is:-
    The captain's had to take his guide dog for a pee!
    People usually laugh, especially my wife (albeit dutifully).
    We're a sad breed, us men, but nothing deters us from airing those tired old cliched attempts at humour!
    Or just maybe we really are that funny?

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