Ape shit

From an email to Stense yesterday:

Have you seen the new King Kong movie? Well don't: it's rubbish. Major disappointment, in fact, because I expected it to be really good. But it wasn't. Not even a dinosaur pile-up could help it out. And it was waaaaaay too long. Far be it from me to give you any career advice, but don't ever remake a classic movie will you? No matter how much money they offer you. And, if you do ever remake a classic movie, whatever you do, don't faff around, making it waaaaaay too long. We're talking a remake of King Kong here—how sophisticated does it need to be? Think about it: what do the punters want from a remake of King Kong? Do they want a whole pile of faffing around developing character in New York before the boat sets off for Skull Island? They do not. Do they want yet more faffing around with further character development and the start of a love interest on board the boat? Nope, they're not at all interested in any of that rubbish, thank you very much. No, what the punters want is to see Kong fight a few dinosaurs, peel off Ann Darrow's clothes, and fall off the Empire State Building. That's all. And Peter Jackson couldn't even get those simple requirements right: Ann Darrow stayed disappointingly clothed throughout the entire film. I mean to say, it's not as if Naomi Watts is above getting her kit off for the camera, is it? I've seen Mulholland Drive, for Pete's sake! (Although I still haven't a baldy clue what the hell it was about.) Forget packs of dinosaurs, it would have been far more apt if they had made Kong do battle with one enormous turkey. Not good, mate. Not good at all.


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