Good bloke

You might have noticed there have been fewer Gruts updates this last week. The following extract from an email to Stense this evening offers some explanation:

Thanks for asking about my toothache. Bad news, I'm afraid: the dentist said the offending tooth had to come out straight away. It was a long and difficult process. It was particularly traumatic for me when the dentist trapped my beard in his pliers. And he had to cut my gum to get at the root. And he stitched up my gum afterwards. And he prescribed me some elephant tranquilisers for the pain and some antibiotics to prevent infection. And I left the surgery five minutes before the chemist's was due to shut. So I had to park on a yellow line for the first time in my life. And, when I came out of the chemist's, there was a traffic warden standing by my car, typing something into her little computer. And the traffic warden saw me crossing the road towards her, and she saw my face all swollen up (I still had a swab in my mouth), and she said, "What on earth happened to you?" And I said "Hy'f jfft hd u twfff pwllt uwtf!" And she said, "Oh, you poor thing!" And she showed me her little computer with my car registration number on the screen, and she said, "Do you know, if you'd have crossed that road one second later, I would have pressed this green button by now, and it would have been too late to press this red one instead." And she pressed the red button, and the word 'CANCELLED' appeared on the screen. And I told her she was a good bloke, and I would have kissed her, but my mouth was too sore.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.

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