Can't be done

Poor young Lana Del Rey! Everything was going so well, and then David Cameron had to come along and blurt out that he is a fan. Definitely not cool.

What? You don't have a clue who I'm talking about? He's the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, for Pete's sake! Oh, right, you mean Lana Del Ray. She's an up-and-coming pop chanteuse who made a song last year called Video Games, which was a big hit. It was pretty OK, if you like that sort of thing. Here's the video. No need to watch it if you're not that way inclined.

Like I say, it's a pretty OK song. But what worries me about Video Games is the opening verse:

Swinging in the backyard
Pull up in your fast car
Whistling my name

Have you ever tried to whistle someone's name? It can't be done. Not unless the ‘person’ in question is a budgerigar, a Star Wars™ droid™, or a clanger. Go on, have a go: try to whistle the name Lana Del Ray. I guarantee it won't sound anything like the name Lana Del Ray; it will sound much more like the opening four notes of Scott Joplin's The Entertainer.

Tell you what, I'll make it easier: try just to whistle the name Lana. Go on, I can wait…

It came out sounding like the first two notes of Colonel Bogey, didn't it? It could have represented any two-syllable word, couldn't it? Richard, for example, or onion.

Like I said, you simply can't whistle someone's name. Whistles come in notes; names come in vowels and consonants. They don't map.

Why don't people think about what they're saying when they write these lyrics? Is it any bloody wonder the Prime Mister speaks in meaningless platitudes when this is the sort of nonsense he likes to listen to?

One thought on “Can't be done

  1. Sorry I hadn't realised the Prime Minister was spouting meaningless platitudes, I just thought it was simply total bollocks.

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