I did a very fine and noble thing this afternoon. I suppose it would be a whole lot nobler if I didn't tell anyone about it, but that's just not my style.
I was just about to start mowing the lawn, when I heard a right old racket coming from a nearby drainpipe. Rats, I thought (both literally and figuratively). But then I noticed a blue tit on a nearby tree with a very concerned look on its face (don't ask, I just did). Putting two and two together, I deduced that its mate must have been gathering cobwebs from the gutter to use as nesting material, and had fallen down the drainpipe.
I looked in the bottom of the drainpipe and removed the dead leaves that were blocking it, but there was still no sign of the expected bird. So guess what Muggins did next… That's right, I only went and got his screwdriver and removed the drainpipe from the wall. And out flew a blue tit, right as rain (which, considering where it had been, isn't a bad simile). Sherlock Holmes, eat your heart out.
Of course, you realise this means I'll probably go to heaven after all.