The Carter Manoeuvre

Today, BBC News published an interview with Henry Heimlich of lifesaving manoeuvre fame.

The interview got me thinking. It must be really cool to have an actual manoeuvre named after you. So I've gone ahead and invented a manoeuvre of my own, henceforth to be known as The Carter Manoeuvre.

The Carter Manoeuvre is used to recover from those embarrassing situations where you are walking along, quite happily minding your own business, and are suddenly startled by something that really shouldn't startle you quite so much. I am particularly adept at this manoeuvre following loud barks from dogs which are safely secured by ropes or confined behind fences. The manoeuvre is initiated in mid-air following your instinctive, adrenaline-induced leap away from the source of alarm. As your parabolic trajectory brings you back towards the ground, slam your leading foot down as hard as you can, then quickly slow your pace and resume walking nonchalantly in your original direction of travel, remarking, "Got it!"

Filed under: Nonsense

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.

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