Pretentious? Nous?

You'll never guess what I saw in Tesco, Prestwich, last Thursday—right next to the HP Sauce. Go on, have a guess.

No, that's not it.

No, that's not it either.

Pickled quails' eggs. I kid you not. In Tesco. Who do they think they are?

Come to think of it, what sort of person actually wants to buy pickled quails' eggs in the first place? Have you ever seen a quail's egg? They're not exactly filling. I reckon I could get one in my nostril at a push. And, even if this mythical customer was in the market for a few pickled quails' eggs, can you imagine them saying to themself, "I wonder if they'll have any at Tesco."

Hardly bloody likely, is it?

(Unless they read this, of course.)

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. In my local Tesco, on the run-up to Christmas they have taken to piping Christmas songs into the store. You know the sort of thing - Pogues, Slade, John Lennon etc. and it struck me that I 've never been in a store where they've piped in Tom Waits 'Christmas Card from a hooker in Minneapolis'! Come on guys - what's the worst that could happen?

  2. Thank you !!! I've been searching for pickled quails eggs for ages now, but aside from a local Farmer's Market, they don't seem to exist !

    They're beautiful - try it today, not pretentious in the slightest !

  3. How about 'Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer' by Wounded John Scott Cree? a classic in aybody's book!

  4. I heard the most rediculous Xmas song ever on a music channel:

    It was the Christmas Ketchup Song (you know, the one that goes 'the boogie & the bwiddly beep' etc). Basically, they had just overdubbed sleigh bells on to the original!

    The possibilities are endless...other candidates could include Yellow Brick Road by the Cap'n, or Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash!

    Any other suggestions?

  5. Do you remember the Christmas duet Wizzard did with the Wombles in the Seventies? I Wish It Could Be a Wombling Christmas Every Day. Do you see what they did there? They took a big Christmas hit from a previous year and inserted the word Wombling into it. Damn, those marketing types are clever!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *