Go and get a proper job!

Will you just look at yourselfThere's this woman in Church Street, Liverpool who wraps herself in sheets, paints her face white, and stands on a box with a bucket in front of her, pretending to be a statue. You can see similar sights in cities throughout Europe.

What the hell do they think they're playing at? Do they seriously expect me to pay them for standing on a box all day doing nothing? Where's the skill in that?

People who chalk copies of old masterpieces on pavements I get. I don't actually pay them, you understand, but they do at least exhibit a modicum of talent and give passers-by a bit of an art lesson. Jugglers: fine, that's definitely skillful and entertaining. Buskers: well, I'm in total awe of anyone who can play a musical instrument, so good luck to them. But in what way does standing on a box with a bucket in front of you contribute anything to the human experience? Go and get a proper job!

There used to be scruffy, little chap in Liverpool who stood all day holding out a paper cup and wiggling a shrivelled ice popsicle wrapper backwards and forwards very quickly between his fingers. That was his entire act. He didn't make much money, but at least he had the common decency to move.

Actually, I suspect he wasn't quite right in the head.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. My favorite "busker" in Liverpool is the old bugger with a cardboard cut out of a guitar. He strums the pencilled strings while singing plink plink plinketty plink. Demented.

    Are ther two t's in plinketty?

  2. We have a MUCH better class of busker around here (Staines)...one guy just walks up to people, hurls obsecenities at them, then smiles and holds his hand out. Somehow it almost always works. With the spread of pavement cafes (something to thank global warming for?) there's another guy who'll sidle up to the surrounding ropes and let off a rich fart in the direction of the seated latte drinkers...in vain they try to pretend that they're still in 'fresh' air. No money is asked for or given in this case, but it is performance art to my mind.

  3. We used to have a guy in the underpass in Bournemouth with a one string violin. For 10p he would make it talk. As you will probably imagine, we used to request some of the more unsavoury examples of the English language.

    My very favourite is Dicky: He is a paranoid schizophrenic who plays guitar (extremely well), wears a bed sheet, a beatles wig & a cardboard sign around his neck which can state anything from 'I'm Jesus' to I'm 'Obiwan Kennobi' (his spelling, not mine). For the last couple ofyears he has resided at my place of employment. He always comes & joins my music sessions & reduces me to hysterical laughter with such songs as 'I wanna be a Jedi knight', 'Schizophrenia gets you down' & 'Lorazepam blues'. Basically, he can play anything you ask.

  4. Mr Beach -- you're in Staines (too)?

    As I have never seen the farting guy you refer to, I am worried that it might in fact be me. In which case let me tell you I had no idea I was doing it.

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