Wacko Jacko (1958–2009)

Michael Jackson: a great talent, who touched many of his young fans; the self-styled King of Pop; the boy who never grew up. Jen summed him up rather well last night:

I can't believe Michael Jackson was 50. For some reason, I always assumed he was younger than me… Mind you, most of him probably was.

Stuff, as they say, came out of my nose.

The thing is, I would sooooooo like to be the person who arranges Michael Jackson's funeral. Just imagine: the pall-bearers (who I assume would be the remaining Jackson Four) do a moonwalk up to the side of the grave, they place the coffin on the ground, the lid slowly opens, and out leaps a red-suited Jacko look-alike to perform Thriller as zombies and stuff climb out of the grave.

Seriously. He was a great showman. It's what he would have wanted.

(It'll be interesting to see if La Toya turns up at the funeral. That should scotch a few rumours—or, more likely, start a whole pile more.)

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. Ironic that we're coming up to the 40th aniversary of the first real 'moonwalk'. (No that's not meant to be a joke)I heard from someone that had seen rehearsals for Jacko's tour at the O2....they said it was 'heartstopping' (that was)

  2. Your opening statement was spot on. Unfortunately, touching his fans cost him $19m.

    Perhaps Jonathan King & Gary Glitter should help carry his coffin...nuff said!

  3. "POLICE QUESTION JACKO'S CARDIOLOGIST"....I know Jacko was whacko, but how much do you have to lose touch with reality to have your own 'live-in' knitwear specialist. It was bound to lead to (knitting) needle abuse.

  4. Blah blah Ferguson will be playing Giggs next month blah blah contains plastic parts and hazardous to young children blah blah. Enough I think.

    I had money* on your toast being to Farrah Fawcett.

    Shows what I know.

    *not really, but I would have taken the bet.

  5. Actually, I did toast Farrah at the weekend. Not my favourite angel (for that would be Cheryl, obviously), but she certainly had a place on my wall in my formative years.

  6. Just going back to your last comment Richard - are "heron Gruts" a particular variety of Gruts?

  7. The gruts or the heron? I'd struggle to get a heron in my toaster - have you seen the wingspan on those things?

  8. Clearly you should either be buying sliced-heron or invest in a good heron knife.

  9. What do Michael Jackson & Princess Diana have in common?

    I don't give a shit about either of them!

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