Divine comedy

Carolyn sent me another of her out-of-the-blue text messages on Monday:

Have you ever used those water-finding sticks? I'm going to make some tonight out of coat hangers.

I texted her back to explain that the word she was looking for was diviners (not dividers, as I had overheard some bloke say the previous week, while he was trying to chat up a very bored-looking woman). I also explained that divining was "utter bollocks, obviously".

Carolyn then texted back to say that she had tried it with coat hangers before and "it definitely worked".

After a few more texts, I rang her. "This has got something to do with bees, hasn't it?" I said. Carolyn laughed. It was indeed to do with bees.

It turned out that she planned to go dowsing to look for a suitable fault line to situate her bee-hive near. Yes, she was still going on about that bollocks about fault lines.

I pointed out that using divining rods to detect energy vibrations emanating from fault lines was using a technique which doesn't work to detect something which doesn't exist emanating from something which isn't there.

Which is how I came to find myself standing in a dark field holding a pair of bent coat-hangers on Tuesday night:

Me dowsing
An expert in the field on Tuesday.

"It works! It works!" screamed Carolyn as her coat-hangers crossed.

"It doesn't work; you tilted your hands," I said.

"No I didn't; they definitely moved!" said Carolyn. "Here, you have a go!"

So I had a go. Walking over exactly the same spot, I watched open-mouthed as my two coat-hangers miraculously did not cross, but splayed wide apart.

"You moved your hands!" said Carolyn.

I think not. The dowsing rods had evidently detected my negative vibes.

It's the only logical explanation.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. Of course, when the Great Being designed the universe he specifically set up the laws of physics so that when mankind eventually evolved enough to have invented wire coat hangers they could be dismantled and used to detect his little secret energy sources. Well it makes sense to me.....

  2. YOU LIED TO ME! You said there was no God....

    Phil Collins has retired from the music business.

    What more proof do you need?

  3. Yes he wore a gorilla suit & played drums...or was that Chester Thompson?......

    Chester's gorilla, he go quack....Chester's gorilla, he go moo!

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