Gruts

Sunday Times: Blunkett: 'We don't want terror camp Britons'
David Blunkett, the [UK] home secretary, is blocking moves to repatriate the British terrorist suspects held at Guantanamo Bay… Families of the Guantanamo suspects had hoped the men might be home for Christmas. But the prospects of an early deal have been clouded by Blunkett's warnings that any proceedings in British civilian courts would probably end with acquittals through lack of admissible evidence. [Emphasis added.]

Who says justice is blind?

Anyone else noticed that 'David Blunkett' is an anagram of 'Dank devil-butt'? Kind of makes you think.

BBC: Ireland wins Miss World contest
Ireland has won the Miss World beauty pageant, held this year for the first time in China.

First Eurovision, then Riverdance and Westlife, now this. Dammit, those Irish are such a talented bunch!

New Scientist: Fossilised crustacean boasts oldest penis
A newly discovered 425 million-year-old fossil boasts a lurid claim to fame - it has the oldest penis on record. The five millimetre long crustacean, discovered by UK and US researchers, has been named Colymbosathon ecplecticos - derived from the Greek for "astounding swimmer with a large penis".

A five millimetre long crustacean… Large penis?

Child: "Mummy, why do people have to kill chickens?"
Mummy: "Because you can't eat them if they're alive."

Correct answer.

BBC: Oldest hamster food store found
A hoard of nuts buried by a rodent 17 million years ago is the oldest food larder so far discovered in the fossil record, say scientists in Germany.

Apparently, the nuts were found near an ancient wire treadmill.

BBC: Offensive jargon comes under fire (27-Nov-03)
Technology firms supplying Los Angeles County with hardware have been asked to avoid using the words "master" and "slave" to describe their products.

I take it they have no objection to the term "PC".

BBC: No volunteers for orgasm implant (26-Nov-03)
A scientist claiming to have invented a device which produces orgasms at the touch of a button can't find women to help him conduct trials into it.

With a chat-up line like his, is it any wonder?

BBC: Red sea urchin 'almost immortal'
The red sea urchin found in the shallow waters of the Pacific Ocean is one of the Earth's longest-living animals.

Two quibbles:

• how can something be almost immortal
• if it lives in the Pacific Ocean, why isn't it called the Pacific Ocean Urchin?

On this date in 1963:

• John F Kennedy died
• C.S. Lewis died
• Aldous Huxley died
• Jen was born

On this date in 1990, Thatcher the Milk Snatcher resigned as UK prime minister.

…And on this date in 2003, those talentless whinging Poms made the Wallabies look like a bunch of Sheilas.

But of course, being English, we won't be unbearably smug about it. We won't spend the next four years reminding the Aussies how we beat them in the last minute of extra time in front of their home crowd to replace them as World Champions. We won't go on and on about it every time we bump into one of our antipodean cousins. No, we will act like gentlemen—just as they would, had the result been reversed.

Yeah, right… In yer face, Kylie!

BBC: Wind farm plan dropped
Plans for six wind turbines in West Norfolk have been scrapped after protests from wildlife conservation groups and villagers.

Whoo-hoo! Get this: the company that wanted to build them is called Ecotricity. As they insist of calling these things wind farms, shouldn't they call themselves Agro-tricity? Or does that sound too much like the far more apt name for them: Atrocity?