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Conversation over coffee with my friend, a local farmer, this morning:
BBC: Photo shows elderly Elvis
An image of Elvis Presley as he might look today has been created by computer experts at a Scottish university.
Just one question:
Why?
Let's face it, considering he died in 1977, whatever Elvis looks like now, it's going to be pretty gross.
BBC: Quaker parrots invade Barcelona
A plague of Quaker parrots is causing alarm in the Spanish city Barcelona… The Quaker parrot is an aggressive bird and grows to an intimidating 30 centimetres (12 inches) plus in height.
Oooooooooh! Like I'm really scared… That's an intimidating—how should I put it?—pigeon-sized 12 inches! I'm almost literally quaking in my shoes!
…Mind you, pigeons can be pretty scary.
Customer in pub: Can I have half a pint of cider and a glass of Coke please?Landlord: No problem.[Landlord pours cider and places glass in front of customer.]Customer: Which one's that?
BBC: Irish minister links incense to cancer
An Irish Government minister has warned that burning incense in churches could be harmful to the altar boys and girls who help Roman Catholic priests celebrate mass.
Apparently it's OK to try to indoctrinate these children with ridiculous ritualistic mumbo-jumbo, but letting them breathe in fumes at the same time is seen as detrimental to their wellbeing.
Carolyn says she's discovered that her right nostril is allergic to alcohol. Do you think I should tell her she's not supposed to drink it that way?
BBC: Five second pint-puller launched (16-Aug-03)
Waiting a long time to be served at the bar could soon be a thing of the past thanks to a new device which can pour pints in just five seconds… The Publican newspaper said Coors Brewers had teamed up with dispensing specialists, IMI Cornelius, to trial the new system in outlets for their Carling brand.
Coors, I might have guessed. Those Americans really don't have a clue about beer (apart from Madonna, of course).
It would appear that, two days before he died, Mr Amin was feeling rather peckish:
BBC: Idi Amin seeks kidney donor (14-Aug-03)
Wired News: DOJ Pushes Stiffer Porn Law (13-Aug-03)
Evidently, the US Department of Justice thinks most porn is too flaccid.
I expect they'll come across some stiff opposition.
BBC: UK lags behind on sun cream use (06-Aug-03)
…[A] report found that the average person in the UK bought 70ml of sun cream last year. This lagged behind other countries such as Switzerland, the USA, France, Finland, Norway, Greece and Israel.
Erm, in other words, we lag behind notoriously sunny and/or mountainous countries. Truly astonishing! Next thing you know, they'll be telling us we spend more on alcohol per capita than Moslem countries.