Gruts

BBC: Exploding star hunters make history

Not quite as interesting as the headline suggests: it's the stars that are exploding.

To celebrate the life and music of the late, great genius that was Johnny Cash, this evening we stuffed ourselves stupid on dry chicken curry and chick pea curry.

Not much of a tribute you might think, but, rest assured, tomorrow morning should lend a whole new meaning to the phrase Ring of Fire.

New Scientist: Meat eating is an old human habit
Humans evolved beyond their vegetarian roots and became meat-eaters at the dawn of the genus Homo, around 2.5 million years ago, according to a study of our ancestors' teeth.

Have you got that, veggies? Evolved beyond their vegetarian roots. So don't give me any of that crap about meat-eating being unnatural. Besides, if the good lord didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them so bloody tasty?

BBC: England destroy France
England gave their World Cup preparations the perfect finish with a five-try victory over France at Twickenham on Saturday night.

Louis Pasteur, Juliette Binoche, Jaques Chirac, Gérard Depardieu, Catherine Deneuve, Asterix, Obelix, Napoléon Bonaparte, Josephine Beauharnais peut vous ecoutez-moi? Nous made votre garçons look comme une bunch des filles.

BBC: Borneo's elephants gain recognition (04-Sep-03)

My god, Caruthers… Do you know, I think they might be elephants!

BBC: Yoko to recreate naked art show (05-Sep-03)
Yoko Ono is to re-stage her conceptual art project which saw her invite people to cut off her clothes until she was left naked.

Yoko, NOOOOOOOOOOO! It wasn't a pretty sight the first time round—and that was 40 years ago. You're 70 years old, for Christ's sake! Couldn't you take up bingo or something instead?

BBC: Queen 'to make historic Ireland visit'
The Queen is preparing for an historic trip to the Republic of Ireland, a report on Saturday suggests. The visit - which would be the first by a British monarch since partition in 1921 - has been agreed in principle by Buckingham Palace, Downing Street and the Irish Government, the Times newspaper reported.

I'm no royalist, but when you think that, despite all the things she's done during her long reign, the queen has never enjoyed a pint of the cold, black stuff in an Irish pub, I kind of feel sorry for the poor lass.

Mind you, when was the last time Her Majesty enjoyed some of the warm, brown stuff in a British pub? There's no excuse for that one.

BBC: Washington woos UN over Iraq
The United States is presenting its plan for a multinational force in Iraq to the UN Security Council… US Secretary of State Colin Powell signalled that Washington was ready to take its UN partners' views on board.

I wonder how well those Freedom Fries go down with a large helping of Humble Pie.

BBC: Balloon record bid called off
A British team attempting to break the world altitude record for a crewed balloon have called off their mission after a last-minute hitch. At 0655 BST, with the envelope inflated to about 50 feet (15 metres), helium started to escape from the polythene structure and it collapsed.

Apparently, they think the gas might have escaped through the little holes they punched into the polythene to prevent children from suffocating.

BBC: Dutch baffled by Nigerian baboon noses

The BBC are on top form lately. Do you reckon their web journalists have got some sort of competition going on?