BBC:Horse defeats men in £24,000 race [07-Jun-03] Two legs have again lost out to four in one of Wales' most peculiar race events. Hundreds of spectators turned out to see 378 runners try and beat their equine opponents in the annual Man v Horse Marathon in mid Wales… No man has ever beaten the leading horse in the 24 years the event has been held, and this year the £24,000 prize - which has accumulated over the years - again went unclaimed.
Bloody fix! Try a rope-climbing race next year, and see who wins then, you smarmy, buck-toothed, manure generators (and your horses).
I was sitting in a restaurant in Derbyshire with a colleague last night. I had already repositioned all the radiators and was searching for a network connection under the tablecloth, when the actress Cheryl Ladd, of 1970/80s Charlie’s Angels fame, entered the restaurant with a small entourage and sat at the table next to us.
”That’s Cheryl Ladd,” I hissed to my colleage. “…of Charlie’s Angels fame,” I added, just in case he was wondering.
My colleague couldn’t hear what I was hissing and asked me to speak up.
”That’s Cheryl Ladd out of Charlie’s Angels,” I hissed, slightly louder. “She was my heart-throb when I was younger. I used to have posters of her on my wall. I’ve even got an album of hers. It’s called Cheryl Ladd.”
My colleague didn’t seem too impressed—even when Cheryl rose to make a short speech to the press pack that had followed her into the restaurant. She was promoting the new Charlie’s Angels 2 movie.
Then I woke up.
Earlier that night, I’d had another dream in which Jen and I were on holiday in Antarctica. We’d found a nice little pub in a picturesque, snowy village that sold London Pride on gas (eugh!), and a very decent real ale. Unfortunately, the latter soon ran out, so I volunteered to catch a helicopter to Australia to bring back some more beer.
BBC News:Liverpool named Capital of Culture [04-Jun-03] Liverpool has been named European Capital of Culture 2008 … The leader of Liverpool City Council, Councillor Mike Storey, said: "This is like Liverpool winning the Champions League, Everton winning the double and the Beatles reforming all on the same day - and Steve Spielberg coming to the city to make a Hollywood blockbuster about it."
He forgot to mention Manchester United being relegated from the third division. Might as well go the whole hog.
I woke up yesterday morning and my eyes looked like a gecko's: all swollen and scaley. Nice. I usually have trouble with mild eczema on my eyelids in the summer, but they had never been this bad before.
The swelling had reduced this morning, but my eyes still looked pretty bad, so I went to see my new doctor. I don't know what came over me, but, for some reason, I decided to indicate how swollen my eyes had been yesterday by cupping my hands over my eyes and puffing out my cheeks.
"What, like this?" asked my doctor, cupping her hands over her eyes and puffing out her cheeks.
I have known this woman for exactly 30 seconds, and already she's taking the piss out of me. Story of my life.
Later, Carolyn sent me a text message, asking how my eyes were. I texted her back, saying the doctor had given me six months… "TO DO WHAT?" came Carolyn's reply.
Our friends' teenage son is in a rock band with the absolutely brilliant name of Worried About Dave. They played a battle-of-the-bands-type gig recently, so an artistically inclined friend of theirs made them a banner to hang behind the stage. Unfortunately, his capital Rs looked more like Bs, so the band was introduced as WOBBIED ABOUT DAVE.
BBC:Gardeners' pet hate for cats [26-May-03] …Wildlife experts say keeping cats locked up from dusk to dawn will prevent much of the carnage they create, and will also mean they are less likely to be run over.
No, what we really need is a way to prevent cats from creating carnage without diminishing their chances of being run over. The BBC hit on a much better solution earlier this month:
BBC:Cats 'farmed for skins in EU' [08-May-03] BBC News has seen evidence which suggests that cats are being farmed for their skins in the European Union. It is thought that tens of thousands, possibly hundreds of thousands of cat and dog skins are traded in Europe each year.
Fantastic! Now you can wear a fur coat and prevent wildlife carnage at the same time.
BBC:UK act hits Eurovision low [25-May-03] …Following an off-key rendition of their song Cry Baby, [pop duo Jemini] failed to collect a single point from [Eurovision Song Contest] judges and finished last in the 26-nation competition.
Well, at least the French had a half-decent excuse for giving us nul points this time. But could our European cousins have shot themselves in the foot? It is a little-known fact that the fourth of Gordon Brown's mysterious five tests for Britain's migration to the Euro is linked to our success in the Eurovision Song Contest. You heard it here first.
Sky News:Butler: I Doubt Accident [23-May-03] …[Royal Butler Paul] Burrell has also dismissed claims that [Princess] Diana was pregnant when she died or that she had taken cocaine. "Her body was an absolute temple, she would not put anything into her body that was foreign," he said.
