Gruts

I have now written a letter to Ofsted about all the recent Gateshead creationist nonsense.

Headline in this week's Hebden Bridge Times:

Former addict stole gammon steaks for birthday treat

On first reading, I thought the felon must be a reformed meat addict, but it turns out they were talking about drugs. Pity - it would have given a whole new meaning to the phrase fancy a joint?

In the same edition of the Hebden Bridge Times:

Dawdling ducks
Only three of the 2,500 ducks launched in the annual race along Hebden Water made it to the finishing line on Monday. Organisers blamed low water levels for the plastic competitors becoming grounded.
- Full story page three

I've just received a reply to my letter to Estelle Morris, Secretary of State for Education and Skills, about a piece in the Guardian newspaper, which reported how science teaching at a school in Gateshead is being undermined by Christian fundamentalists.

It's official: spring is finally here - I've just found my first slug of the year in the garden. Time to dust off the old slug-slinger.

BBC: Britain Mourns Queen Mother

That's as maybe, but it's her corgis I feel sorry for.

Following on from my letter to Estelle Morris, I have written a Letter to the Bishop of Oxford to congratulate him on his recent anti-creationist broadcast. [No, I'm not sure what my letter is trying to say either.]

I've just sent a letter to Estelle Morris, Secretary of State for Education and Skills,about a piece in yesterday's Guardian newspaper, which reported how science teaching at a school in Gateshead is being undermined by Christian fundamentalists.

Anne Robinson: In mathematics, how is one-half expressed as a decimal?
Female contestant: Can you repeat the question please?
Anne Robinson: In mathematics, how is one-half expressed as a decimal?
Female contestant: A quarter?

Later in the same round:

Anne Robinson: The rock group The Manic Street Preachers come from which country in the United Kingdom?
Male contestant: Liverpool?

BBC: Italian statue 'weeps blood'

Now there is a surprise: a statue of Padre Pio has reputedly started doing something truly miraculous; that's one more step on the path to sainthood for Padre Pio, then.

I had never heard of Padre Pio until I went for a holiday to Sardinia in 1998, when the TV news was full of the poor fellow. Although I hadn't a clue what they were talking about (I have forgotten most of my Latin, and my Italian is non-existent), it was quite clear even to me that this chap was being groomed for sainthood.

What is it about the Roman Catholic church? In the words of my good friend, Julian Date, How [do they] sort out the wheat from the chaff? How do [they] decide that a moving statue in Ireland is a miracle, but that a talking chicken in Canada isn't?

Still, Padre Pio is to be congratulated in one respect at least: until now, anything vaguely miraculous involving a invariably associated with Jesus; now, I suppose, they're going to have to think twice.