Gruts

Martin Amis [Guardian]: The voice of the lonely crowd
Since it is no longer permissible to disparage any single faith or creed, let us start disparaging all of them. To be clear: an ideology is a belief system with an inadequate basis in reality; a religion is a belief system with no basis in reality whatever. Religious belief is without reason and without dignity, and its record is near-universally dreadful. It is straightforward - and never mind, for now, about plagues and famines: if God existed, and if He cared for humankind, He would never have given us religion.

Martin Amis is a very good writer. So was his dad.

Hebden Bridge Times: 'Cooking Up a Seasonal Treat'

Trevor and Joan Whitworth knotched (sic) up a hat-tick of victories in the World Dock Pudding Championships on Sunday.

Mr and Mrs Whitworth of Skircoat Green, Halifax, again beat all comers at Mytholmroyd Community Centre to win a special dock pudding plate, the Evening Courier trophy and £30.

Trevor, 64 said: "I was confident we would win because we use the same recipe year after year. It's been good for two years so I expected it to be good for the third."

The retired couple have five children and four grandchildren and usually eat their prize winning meal four or five times a week...

The contest which started back in 1971 involves cooking dock leaves, nettles, onions and oatmeal with a side serving usually consisting of bacon and eggs…

BBC: Sir Elton performs in Queen's palace

No, this doesn't mean he's been performing at home.

I have now received a reply to my letter to Ofsted about all the recent Gateshead creationist nonsense. The Chief Inspector of Schools sounds like a good chap.

Postscript [04-May]: Me and my big mouth! He's left his job.

Hey, my friend Irish Mick has done a cartoon of yours truly. A damn good likeness, if you ask me. If ever I get abducted by aliens and replaced with an impostor, the absence of a pen in the top pocket would be a dead giveaway.

…But am I really that fat? (Rhetorical question.)

I have now written a letter to Ofsted about all the recent Gateshead creationist nonsense.

Headline in this week's Hebden Bridge Times:

Former addict stole gammon steaks for birthday treat

On first reading, I thought the felon must be a reformed meat addict, but it turns out they were talking about drugs. Pity - it would have given a whole new meaning to the phrase fancy a joint?

In the same edition of the Hebden Bridge Times:

Dawdling ducks
Only three of the 2,500 ducks launched in the annual race along Hebden Water made it to the finishing line on Monday. Organisers blamed low water levels for the plastic competitors becoming grounded.
- Full story page three

I've just received a reply to my letter to Estelle Morris, Secretary of State for Education and Skills, about a piece in the Guardian newspaper, which reported how science teaching at a school in Gateshead is being undermined by Christian fundamentalists.

It's official: spring is finally here - I've just found my first slug of the year in the garden. Time to dust off the old slug-slinger.