Slipping on cow shit while walking down a cobbled farmyard in the pitch dark carrying an exercise bike, and landing flat on your back/arse in the aforementioned cow shit with the exercise bike on top of you.
(Don't ask.)
Surreal experiences best avoided No.1
Never trust those bastard cows (ibid).
Presumably, in a nearby shippon, a maligned cow was rubbing its hooves together with glee as you fell into its crusty trap.