OK, I know for a fact that a number of my colleagues read this website—which is fine, chaps, provided you don't ever tell me you've been doing it. This one's for you. The rest of you, please talk amongst yourselves for a while…
It is possible that you might have heard certain rumours about me circulating at work today. For the record, yes, I was indeed spotted entering an expensive hotel in Chester with a very attractive young woman last Saturday afternoon. And, yes, when I realised that I had been spotted, I did indeed say, "Look, you haven't seen me, right!". But it was a joke for Pete's sake!
My companion wasn't, as some of you might have heard, probably some high-class call-girl; she was, in fact, my dear friend Stense, and it was all totally above board: we were going for tea and scones, I tell you.
(But whatever you do, don't tell Jen!)