The subject of moles cropped up during my conversation with an expert gardener earlier this week:
Gardener: Did you get that business card I popped through your letterbox last week? The one for the mole hunter?
Me: Yes I did.
Gardener: He's very good. You've probably seen him around. He's very easy to recognise: he only has one arm.
Me: Bloody hell! What kind of traps does he use?
Later, I started thinking whimsically about this conversation. It seemed odd that a mole hunter would have business cards. I had visions of him turning up at a prospective customer's door, briefcase (quite literally) in hand, presenting his card, and opening up the briefcase to reveal a set of samples.
And can you imagine, what it must be like back at mole hunter head office? All the top managers anxiously studying the latest Powerpointed quarterly returns, wondering whether there was anything in the rumours about a potential takeover by Rentokil.
Actually, I think it's pretty cool that there are still professional mole hunters around. And I think it's really cool that I now have one of their business cards.
As Jasper Carrot once said:- There's only one way to get rid of a mole...blow its bloody 'ead orf!
Apparently, that's exactly what our local mole hunter does. Seriously. Not bad for a bloke with one arm.
I hear De Niro is interested in starring in a film about him.
No, The Godfather Part IV: he's going to play a gangster's mole.
Don't mind if I do.