Britain must encourage young people who want to "change the world" to become scientists, Prime Minister Tony Blair has said.
Good start, Prime Minister, but…
He stressed the importance of Britain's knowledge-based economy and said that, to keep it competitive, more scientific pioneering was needed.
ON NO, YOU'VE BLOWN IT!
Just listen to yourself, Tony. Exactly how many kids do you think you're going to coax away from watching the telly all day Media Studies with talk like that? Knowledge-based economy, my peach-like derrière! You've got to appeal to their base instincts. You need to sex it up. You're usually good at that sort of thing.
Don't listen to the Prime Minister, kids—he admits he knows nothing about science. Listen to someone who's been through the science mill. I know I'm no oil painting, but, when I was studying physics at university, the chicks couldn't keep their hands off me. I know it sounds bizarre, but talk about leptons and Bose-Einstein condensate and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle is a major turn-on to impressionable young women of undergraduate age. Talk about fighting them off with a shitty stick, you wouldn't believe it.
And it works for the girls too. Even more so, in fact. You know how lads go on and on about Battlestar Galactica and computer games and stuff like that? Well, how do you think they're going to react to lasses who can slip terms like quantum chemistry, magnetic moments, banana bonding, large hadron colliders and Oh-My-God particles into casual conversation? The poor bosons won't stand a chance.
So remember, kids, what the Prime Minister was trying to say was:
college + science = S E X !