I nearly forgot all about this one. Last Friday, Jen and I did a spot of Christmas shopping in Manchester. While we were in Marks and Sparks, I took the opportunity to powder my nose. As I walked into the gents, a scruffy-looking man followed me in carrying a huge pair of branch-loppers. This was rather off-putting.

On his way out, rather than using the door handle like any normal person, the scruffy-looking man opened the door by reaching up and pulling on the mechanical door-closer. He did it on both sets of doors. I thought this was pretty odd, so I gave him a few seconds before I followed him out.

Thinking about it afterwards, I've come up with four possible explanations for his strange door-opening technique:

  • he had a toilet-door-handle phobia
  • he was a fugitive from the law and didn't want to leave any prints
  • he was drunk
  • he was nuts

Any other suggestions?

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.


  1. Now I was in a Chelsea bar one day,
    And there was a chap stood about five feet away,
    And we was both admiring a girl about twenty-one,
    I said, "You just can't help but stare
    At that cute little chick with the long blonde hair,"
    He said, "That chick just happens to be my son."

    I said, "I didn't mean to offend,
    You must let me make amends,
    I mean at least let me buy you another rum.
    I said, "You must think me an awful cad,
    I didn't know you was his dad."
    He said, "I'm not, you twit, I'm his mum."

    Benny Hill - Wild Women

  2. Major apologies - that last entry should have been against Anne Robinson.

    Still trying to work out the toilet dilemma without succumbing to cheap knob gags

  3. Perhaps he didn't want to get other people's piss on his hands. M&S hasn't half gone downhill lately (so I've heard).

  4. Sorry Norman, I must stop visiting this site after downing 8 cans of Guinness (sometimes though it's the only way).

  5. No,'s S&M for you, surely?

    Incidentally, I hold mine with eight fingers...unfortunately, I piss on five of them! (the old ones are the best!)

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