Gruts

One of my pet gripes is something I call soundbite science: so-called scientific studies whose sole purpose is to generate a bit of cheap publicity for someone. Soundbite science is easy to spot, as it typically displays a number of the following characteristics:

• the studies appear as 'fun' news items towards the end of news broadcasts
• they are carried out by people described with the generic word 'scientists' (as opposed to physicists, biochemists, etc.)
• the 'scientists' are usually from a famous university
• the study is sponsored by a company or organisation that has something vaguely to do with the subject of the study
• …but the study is really "just a bit of fun"
• the subject of the study is one of perpetual fascination to the public (men v women, beer v wine, Britain v the rest of the world, tea, biscuits, sex, genes, television, music, food, sport, etc.)
• the studies are often published at the start of a special national 'week' invented by the sponsors (National Sausage Week, National Biscuit Week, etc.)
• the study has no real scientific merit whatsoever

Here's the latest little gem:

BBC: Formula found for film chemistry
Scientists say they have discovered a formula for creating sexual chemistry on the movie screen. The experts, from King's College in London, watched romantic films to come up with the right formula. They said voice, eye contact, body language and excitement could be used to measure sexual chemistry…

Chemistry couples

• 10/10 - When Harry Met Sally
  (Meg Ryan/Billy Crystal)
• 9.5/10 - Casablanca
  (Ingrid Bergman/Humphrey Bogart)
• 9/10 - Breakfast at Tiffany's
  (Audrey Hepburn/George Peppard)
• 9/10 - Lost in Translation
  (Scarlett Johansson/Bill Murray)
• 7/10 - Pretty Woman
  (Julia Roberts/Richard Gere)

…The research was carried for Sky Movies.

Yes, that's right: the 'formula' for sexual chemistry on screen is… eye contact, body language and excitement.

Wow!

• Race Equality
• It's Good to Gossip
• In Odds We Trust?
• Lying
• Scientists sketch out life after mankind

BBC: Deconstruction icon Derrida dies
Jacques Derrida, one of France's most famous philosophers, has died at the age of 74…

The Algerian-born philosopher is best known for his "deconstruction theory" - unpicking the way text is put together in order to reveal its hidden meanings…

At its heart is the notion that each word and by extension each text contains layers of meanings which have grown up through cultural and historical processes. A writer may not know it, but what he puts on paper has all kinds of other significance than the obvious and this can be "deconstructed" by the expert.

BBC: Australian PM wins fourth term
Australia's Prime Minister John Howard says he is "humbled" after winning a fourth term in office.

Confident prediction: John will be the only Howard elected Prime Minister this decade.

A correspondent is surprised that I didn't comment on this last week. So am I:

BBC: Emperor and mystic nun beatified

Pope John Paul II has declared five Roman Catholics blessed, including the last Austro-Hungarian emperor and a nun who inspired a Hollywood film…

However, the beatification of Emperor Karl I has been criticised by some as he authorised the use of poison gas by his army in World War I…

"I hope Emperor Karl will serve as an example, especially for those with political responsibilities in Europe today," the Pope said.

As I no doubt would have commented: Barking!

BBC: Scots bid to win back border town
Fresh calls are being made for the Northumberland town of Berwick to become part of Scotland again. The town, which lies about a mile from the border, has changed hands between the two countries a number of times. Now the leader of the Scottish Borders Council, David Parker, says he would like to see a referendum for people in the town to decide.

Yes, Berwick-upon-Tweed's ever-changing nationality was the cause of one of the longest wars in history: the great Berwicko-Russian War (1853–1966). As is explained on the Undiscovered Scotland website:

Even Henry VII's final capture of the town in 1482 didn't entirely simplify matters. Under the Treaty of Perpetual Peace between Henry VII of England and James IV of Scotland in 1502 (just 11 years before the Scottish army and nobility was destroyed by the English at the Battle of Flodden) Berwick was given a special status as being "of" the Kingdom of England but not "in" it. As a result the town thereafter needed special mention in royal proclamations.

This had one odd effect. When Queen Victoria signed the declaration of war on Russia in 1853, she did so in the name of "Victoria, Queen of Great Britain, Ireland, Berwick-upon-Tweed and the British Dominions beyond the sea." But Berwick was not mentioned in the Treaty of Paris that concluded the Crimean War in 1856, leaving the town technically still at war with Russia.

A peace treaty was only finally signed by a Russian diplomat and the the Mayor of Berwick in 1966. As the mayor said at the time: "You can tell the Russian people that they can now sleep peacefully in their beds".

BBC: GPs confused by 'manky' patients
A group of foreign doctors left baffled by South Yorkshire slang are being taught the local dialect so they know when their patients feel "champion". The seven Austrians are fluent English speakers but were left confused by patients feeling "jiggered" or "manky"…

YORKSHIRE TO ENGLISH:

• Ey oop = Hello
• Fizog = Face
• Lughole = Ear
• Jiggered = Exhausted
• Manky = Rough
• Our lass = Wife
• Gipping = Vomiting

Lughole, fizog, jiggered, manky: Yorkshire dialect? I think not! Doesn't everyone in England know and occasionally use them? Fizog is a great word (it's short for physiognomy, don't you know?).

And I'm not even sure about the definitions of the genuinely Yorkshire words. Jen (a 100% Yorkshire lass), also tends to use ey oop as an expression of surprise when something goes wrong (c.f. oops-a-daisy), and, to her, our lass is her sister.

But to gip, meaning to vomit or feel like vomiting, is a wonderful Yorkshire word that has now passed into this incomedun's vocabulary, along with while (until), spawny (lucky), and thoil (tolerate).

BBC: Kilroy-Silk: I want to lead UKIP
Robert Kilroy-Silk has confirmed he wants to be the leader of UKIP but says there is no mechanism for him to run against current leader Roger Knapman.

Yes, that's right: the party that is up in arms about the proposed European Constitution, saying it is undemocratic, doesn't even have a mechanism in its own constitution for getting rid of the party leader. It would seem that xenophobic scaremongering isn't the only idea UKIP stole from the Nazis.