Yew and me

S T E N S E ! The next time I'm in your neck of the woods, let's go to Fortingall church!

Illustrated Guide to Places to Visit: Fortingall Yew
Fortingall is a small village in the heart of Perthshire, at the entrance to Glen Lyon, not far from Loch Tay. The yew tree which grows there has been estimated to be at least 3,000 years old and possibly as old as 5,000 years. It is certainly the oldest living organism in Britain and possibly the world. It's [sic] girth at one stage was over 56 feet when measured in 1769.

Holy crap!

Jargon buster

BBC: Suzuki sets Major League record
Seattle's Ichiro Suzuki broke the Major League record for hits in a season with three singles in the 8-3 victory over the Texas Rangers. The Japanese star matched George Sisler's 84-year record of 257 with a single in the opening inning before adding another two runs to his total.

I had absolutely no idea what this meant when I first read it. Having recently read a book about baseball by one of my heroes, the late Stephen Jay Gould, I knew enough to realise that Suzuki's achievement was a very big deal in the world of baseball. But, as I bemoaned at the time, Gould's book didn't contain a glossary, so I hadn't a clue what a hit might be (presumably it involves hitting the ball), and as for a hitting streak or a batting average, well I was totally stumped.

But, yet again, the good old Beeb comes to the rescue. For they have been thoughtful enough to compile a useful baseball jargon buster. It turns out:

  • a hit is when a player connects with the ball and gets to at least first base. This is the most important statistic for a non-pitcher.
  • a batting average, as in cricket, is the key measure of player's worth. In short, it is the number of hits made divided by at bats (q.v.).

But the jargon buster still doesn't explain what a hitting streak is; nor why Joe DiMaggio's legendary 56-game hitting streak was (according to Gould) the greatest ever achievement in any sport. I'm guessing it's a sequence of 56 games where you have at least one hit per game.

Anyone who knows for certain what a 56-game hitting streak is, please leave a comment.

Pot/Kettle

BBC: Kilroy-Silk: I want to lead UKIP
Robert Kilroy-Silk has confirmed he wants to be the leader of UKIP but says there is no mechanism for him to run against current leader Roger Knapman.

Yes, that's right: the party that is up in arms about the proposed European Constitution, saying it is undemocratic, doesn't even have a mechanism in its own constitution for getting rid of the party leader. It would seem that xenophobic scaremongering isn't the only idea UKIP stole from the Nazis.

Published
Filed under: Nonsense

Heritage industry

Postcard from Fitz and Moley, on their honeymoon:

Ireland is much more traditional than it used to be.

They're totally right, of course.

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Filed under: Nonsense

Race equality

As if it wasn't bad enough how precious little science coverage there is in the media, we are now treated to the following:

BBC: Women 'may outsprint men by 2156'
Women sprinters may be outrunning men in the 2156 Olympics if they continue to close the gap at the rate they are doing, according to scientists. An Oxford University study found that women are running faster than they have ever done over 100m. At their current rate of improvement, they should overtake men within 150 years, said Dr Andrew Tatum.

Have you ever heard such nonsense in your life?

When I was born, I was less than 2 ft tall. My father was over 6 ft. I am now well over 5 ft tall, but my father is the same old 6 ft. By the same logic as the tosh quoted above, if I continue to close the gap at the rate I have been, I should be taller than my father in a few years' time, and should be at least 35 ft tall by the end of the century. Similarly, we can expect to drive to the 2156 Olympics in our solar-powered cars at speeds well in excess of the speed of light (although how the solar light will ever manage to catch these cars once they get going is anyone's guess).

Yes, I'm sure the gap between the best male and female athletes will continue to narrow for a while at least, but what possible reason is there for assuming that it will continue to narrow at a constant rate? Both sexes have already reached the stage where sprinting world records are broken by mere hundredths of a second; something tells me that male athletes are not going to be standing round, kicking their heels, while the women knock whole seconds off their own records.

Having said all that, to be fair:

…Dr Tatem said: "We are not saying categorically that women will overtake the men but we think there is a chance and we have put this up for discussion.

Thanks, Dr Tatem. For what it's worth, please accept the above as my contribution to the stupid discussion.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

BBC: Donny Osmond makes chart return
Singer Donny Osmond has scored his first solo top 10 single in over 30 years with new song Breeze On By.

The last time Donny Osmond was that high up in the charts, my sense of humour was so highly developed that I referred to him as Donkey Os-pong.

Actually, come to think of it, it's still quite funny.

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Filed under: Nonsense

More weighty matters

BBC: Israel warning on Jerusalem site
An Israeli minister has warned that part of a holy site in Jerusalem sacred to both Muslims and Jews may collapse beneath the weight of worshippers.

Sounds to me as if it's not just the Christians who've been eating a bit too much chocolate.

What will the BBC's next weight-related religious news headline be, do you reckon? He ain't heavy; he's my Buddha, perhaps, or Jesus is Light.

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Filed under: Nonsense

Sweet Jesus!

Compare and contrast:

BBC: Sweet temptation back to church
The Church of England is launching a pilot scheme to attract people back to church - by offering a bar of chocolate to every worshipper.

Tom Waits: Chocolate Jesus
Don't go to church on Sunday
Don't get on my knees to pray
Don't memorize the books of the Bible
I got my own special way

But I know Jesus loves me
Maybe just a little bit more
I fall on my knees every Sunday
At Zerelda Lee's candy store

Well it's got to be a chocolate Jesus
Make me feel good inside
Got to be a chocolate Jesus
Keep me satisfied…