Gruts

BBC: Bayer deals blow to GM crops
GM crop growing has been shelved for the "foreseeable future", according to the UK government. German company Bayer CropScience was the only firm eligible to grow herbicide-tolerant maize in the UK. But it has blamed government conditions for making the crop "economically non-viable" because they would stall production of the maize for too long.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but what's going to happen if this company tries to grow a commercial GM crop in the UK? That's right, it will be destroyed by militant environmentalists. So how could the company (aided and abetted by the UK government) prevent the crop from being destroyed? That's right, by saying it had given up on the idea of growing one.

Remember, you heard it here first!

Conversation with Carolyn in Starbucks™:

C: "Are you going anywhere nice for your birthday?"
R: "Tesco's."
C: [30 seconds of uncontrolled laughter.]
R: "What's so funny about Tesco's?"
C: "I thought you said Sex Girls!"

I dreamt I was polishing my shoes last night. After I'd finished, I inserted some shoe-trees and put the shoes neatly away in the cupboard.

I remember when I used to have good dreams—the sort of dreams I couldn't tell you about.

I just thought of a really crap joke:

Q: What do you call a lazy mountain guide?
A: Shirka Tensing.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

BBC:

On the contrary: I think you'll find Michael Howard has something of the nightmare about him.

Conversation with my friend the farmer yesterday:

(Me) "I think I'll light a fire tonight."
"We had a cracking fire last night. It was really roaring."
"They're good when they're like that."
"It was so hot, I burnt the cat."
"What, you're not going to try to get me with that old joke!"
"What old joke?"
"How do you make a cat bark?"
"I don't know, how do you make a cat bark?"
"Throw it on the fire and… WOOF!"
"Ha-ha! That's a good one! No—I really burnt the cat."
"Serves it right. Did it get too close to the fire and a spark hit it?"
"No, it was dead, so I put it on the fire. It went up a treat."
"You're a sentimental, old fool at times!"
"I thought you'd be pleased."

SeattlePi.com: A guide to veg-friendly living in the Northwest
The book includes a list of famous vegetarians, such as Charles Darwin…

That's the Charles Darwin, founder member of the Gluttons (a Cambridge University-based gentlemen's club, dedicated to the consumption of unusual animals), who is known to have eaten (amongst all things wise and wonderful) a putrid owl, giant tortoises, a large, flightless bird previously unknown to science (since named Darwin's rhea), guanacos, and—brace yourselves—a puma foetus.

That's one hell of a strange vegetarian.

(Mind you, aren't they all?)

And another thing about the gents' toilets at work: today I noticed a discreet little sign stuck just above the mirror saying SHAVERS ONLY.

As a proud beard wearer, I wish to state that I resent being discriminated against in this way.

I suppose this is how it all started in South Africa.

The lights in the gents' toilets at work come on automatically as you enter. If you stay very still for a while, they turn off. If you jump up and down, they come on again.

Yes, my friends, the toilets at work have motion detectors.