BBC: Man Utd 0-1 Liverpool
… Liverpool's triumph - their third at Old Trafford in four years - ended the very slim mathematical chance United still had of winning the title.
That'll do nicely. Well done, lads.
Note for my future biographers
From an email to Carolyn:
Do you remember that 'First World War Songs' Christmas concert in 1975, when eight of us boys had to kneel down beseechingly on one knee in front of eight of you girls and sing, 'You Are My Honeysuckle'? And, wouldn't you just know it, I had to kneel down in front of you! Why on earth would anyone do that to a shy, ten-year-old boy? I was SO embarrassed (especially as my mum was in the audience, and she kept teasing me that I would marry you one day and become a vicar or a farmer).
And, after the song, the parents gave us a standing ovation, and yelled for an encore, so Mrs Coates made us do it all over again! (Still, it was a lot less embarassing than being an oompa-loompa the year before.)
Earlier in the concert, while we were singing 'Good-bye-ee', Colin Fletcher made stuff come out of my nose by singing, "...though it's hard to fart, I know" instead of "...though it's hard to part, I know". My sense of humour was pretty highly developed even then.
Actually, come to think of it, that's why Colin Fletcher and I were chosen to kneel down beseechingly on one knee in front of you girls in the first place - because he sang "fart" during the rehearsal too, and Mrs Coates saw the two of us snotting ourselves and decided to teach us a lesson.
Do you remember Mrs Coates, the music teacher? She told us that John Lennon had been a school-friend of her son, and that she had taught him music too - and Cilla Black (or Pricilla White, as she said she knew her). I didn't believe Mrs Coates even then.
See also: What do you get if you guzzle down sweets, eating as much as an elephant eats?
Cone of Evil
BBC: Ice-cream sellers feel the heat (20-Apr-04)
There's chilling news for the American consumer: ice-cream prices are about to sky-rocket. According to the National Ice Cream Retailers Association (NICRA), the price of an average cone could jump by 30% this summer alone.
Gee, folks… Let's go invade Iran!
No! Really?
Talking, as I was, about people with unfortunate names, I couldn't help noticing that there is a junior health minister named Dr Stephen Ladyman.
Apparently, he's fed up of all the jokes and is going to change his name to Dr Ivor Ladyman.
No, really.
2blowhards.com: The Structure of Aesthetic Revolutions II
…As a result, one of the duties of the American elite was to spend their time having exquisite experiences that would ennoble their offspring. And experiences in painting don't get much more 'exquisite' than in the Tonalist landscapes of John Henry Twachtman or George Inness:
J. H. Twachtman, Arques-la-Bataille, 1885
That's Twachtman… T-W-A-C-H-T-M-A-N.
(Great painting, though.)
Ape shit
BBC: Young female chimps upstage males (15-Apr-04)
It would seem young female chimpanzees take their studies a little more seriously than their male classmates, a study in the journal Nature has shown. Females learn from their mothers how to gather termites much faster than males - who prefer to spend more of their time playing.
But the females are apparently totally crap at reading maps and throwing, and they have an irrational fondness for cushions, curtain tie-backs and decorating.
Public service announcement
Fluttering noises/interference when burning music CDs? Your CDs might have been damaged by sunlight.
I publish this here in the hope that it will be picked up by the various search engines that couldn't resolve the problem for me.
If you'll be my Vinegar Chicken…
Vinegar Chicken for dinner.
Fantastic!
Fight the Good Fight
…and fight AIDS with celibacy.
A sign
This is absolutely true: I was washing my hair on Friday (Good Friday), when I glanced down and saw a few loose strands of hair floating on the water. They spelt my name: Rich.
It was a sign from God—there can be no other logical explanation.
The other strands of hair in the water were clearly about to rearrange themselves into an instruction to go to the Land of Egypt, or something like that, when I twiched and a drop of water fell off the end of my nose and obliterated the Word of God.
I couldn't help it. The Devil made me do it.