Me: Can I post this bomb to Scotland, please?
Postmistress: No problem. But I'll need to stick a HAZARDOUS label on it.
When I was at Boots the Chemist this morning, I couldn't help noticing that the woman behind the counter was wearing a black T-shirt with the word UNCLE emblazoned across her chest.
She didn't look like any sort of uncle I'd ever seen. I wondered if her T-shirt's inscription was intended as some strange take on the American phrase to say uncle. Somehow I doubted it. I toyed with the idea of making a lame joke about her being the Woman from Uncle, but, in the end, having lived in Yorkshire for many years, I decided that the direct approach was best:
“Do you know you've got the word UNCLE written on your T-shirt?” I asked.
The woman looked momentarily confused, stepped back, then tugged at the bottom of her T-shirt, stretching it out to reveal the word JINGLE, with a little star over the I.
This woman is allowed to dispense drugs.
Stumped for what to do with all that leftover turkey? Why not try this dead easy Thai chicken & mushroom broth recipe (substituting leftover turkey for leftover chicken, obviously)?
Seriously, it is rather special.
When looking for a picture to give your website a nice Christmassy feel, don't, whatever you do, search Google for images of ‘holly’ if your good lady happens to be watching.
If you don't like Brussels sprouts, you are almost certainly cooking them too long.
Sprouts should have a bit of crunch to them.
Sprouts are the food of the gods.
It was 17.5°C in Hebden Bridge on Friday afternoon. I know, because I checked on my car's thermometer. The reason I checked was that the centre of town was covered in snow.
But it turned out that it wasn't snow; it was fake snow. Jamie Oliver was in town filming a Christmas ad for Sainsbury's.
So, when you see the ad, I want you to shout at the telly, "THAT'S NOT REAL SNOW! I KNOW FOR A FACT: I READ IT ON GRUTS!"
My farmer friend and her friend popped into Hebden Bridge shortly after the filming had finished. "What's that dreadful smell?" she asked.
Jamie Oliver's cooking, apparently.