Gruts

Another great headline I can't believe I missed from earlier this month:

BBC: Self-parking car hits the shops (01-Sep-03)

Three items from this morning's political news (courtesy of the BBC):

Tories fear 'birth dearth'
People should have more children to counter an ageing population in Europe, a Tory MP is expected to argue.

Lib Dems to focus on tax
…The Lib Dems have promised to abolish council tax as soon as possible after coming to power and to replace it with a local income tax of up to 3%.

University admissions shake-up
The university applications system faces an overhaul, as a [Labour] government task force looks for a fairer way of selecting students. This could include taking into account social disadvantages and the type of school a student attended.

I'm in a real quandry here: with so many objectionable ideas being generated by each of the UK's major political parties, come the next election, how on earth am I going to decide which party I don't want to vote for the least?

"That'll be £1.50, please."
"There you are."
"Would you like a banana?"
"What are you trying to say, like?"
"They're free!"
"You'll be telling me they grown on trees next."

You know what really winds me up? When a friend pops round to your place to ask for a favour, and, while you're agreeing to do it, unbeknownst to you, their dog is pissing on your briefcase.

BBC: Binge drinking costing billions
Britain's binge drinking culture is costing the country £20 billion a year, according to a government report.

Oh, crap, here we go: they've persecuted the poor old smokers into hiding, so now they're going to turn their guns on the drinkers. Hey, I've got a great New-Labour-type solution to the problem: rather than harmonise our taxes with Europe (like we're supposed to, if you remember, so we can adopt the euro), why don't we put a ridiculously high tax on alcohol? Oh, hang on…

How long before the first passive drinking stories, do you reckon? And then, no doubt, they'll try to ban the consumption of alcohol in pubs.

BBC: UK bans spam messages
The UK has made spam a criminal offence to try to stop the flood of unsolicited messages.

Well, that's that one sorted, then. Phew!

BBC: Sleep position gives personality clue
Scientists believe the position in which a person goes to sleep provides an important clue about the kind of person they are.

Personally, I tend to go to sleep in bed. Apparently, this means I'm a natural sceptic, who doesn't believe in bullshit theories.

Professor Idzikowski also found that one arm or leg sticking out of the duvet is Britain's most common position, followed by both feet poking out the end.

If you sleep in the former position, you have the sort of personality that makes you buy duvets that are too hot; if you sleep in the latter position, you have the sort of personality that makes you buy duvets that are too short.

BBC: Exploding star hunters make history

Not quite as interesting as the headline suggests: it's the stars that are exploding.

To celebrate the life and music of the late, great genius that was Johnny Cash, this evening we stuffed ourselves stupid on dry chicken curry and chick pea curry.

Not much of a tribute you might think, but, rest assured, tomorrow morning should lend a whole new meaning to the phrase Ring of Fire.

New Scientist: Meat eating is an old human habit
Humans evolved beyond their vegetarian roots and became meat-eaters at the dawn of the genus Homo, around 2.5 million years ago, according to a study of our ancestors' teeth.

Have you got that, veggies? Evolved beyond their vegetarian roots. So don't give me any of that crap about meat-eating being unnatural. Besides, if the good lord didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them so bloody tasty?