Gruts

BBC: Queen 'to make historic Ireland visit'
The Queen is preparing for an historic trip to the Republic of Ireland, a report on Saturday suggests. The visit - which would be the first by a British monarch since partition in 1921 - has been agreed in principle by Buckingham Palace, Downing Street and the Irish Government, the Times newspaper reported.

I'm no royalist, but when you think that, despite all the things she's done during her long reign, the queen has never enjoyed a pint of the cold, black stuff in an Irish pub, I kind of feel sorry for the poor lass.

Mind you, when was the last time Her Majesty enjoyed some of the warm, brown stuff in a British pub? There's no excuse for that one.

BBC: Washington woos UN over Iraq
The United States is presenting its plan for a multinational force in Iraq to the UN Security Council… US Secretary of State Colin Powell signalled that Washington was ready to take its UN partners' views on board.

I wonder how well those Freedom Fries go down with a large helping of Humble Pie.

BBC: Balloon record bid called off
A British team attempting to break the world altitude record for a crewed balloon have called off their mission after a last-minute hitch. At 0655 BST, with the envelope inflated to about 50 feet (15 metres), helium started to escape from the polythene structure and it collapsed.

Apparently, they think the gas might have escaped through the little holes they punched into the polythene to prevent children from suffocating.

BBC: Dutch baffled by Nigerian baboon noses

The BBC are on top form lately. Do you reckon their web journalists have got some sort of competition going on?

BBC: Private Lynch signs $1m book deal
The American soldier Jessica Lynch, who was rescued by US special forces after being taken prisoner in Iraq, has signed a $1m book deal with publisher Alfred A Knopf… [Photo caption:] Private Lynch is said to remember little of her ordeal.

Well, that should make a fascinating read, then.

BBC: Asteroid danger in 2014 downplayed
Astronomers monitoring near Earth objects are playing down the chances of a newly-discovered asteroid hitting Earth in 2014. They say that there is a one in 909,000 chance of asteroid 2003 QQ47 impacting our planet. The chances of a catastrophe are likely to become even slimmer once more measurements of the asteroid's orbit have been made.

Erm, no they're not: the chances of this potential catastrophe happening will in no way be affected by any measurements we might happen to make on Earth (either the catastrophe will happen, or it will not). Only the predicted odds of the catastrophe happening will be affected by the measurements.

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the BBC website:

BBC: Earth hits '2,000-year warming peak'

Of course, strictly speaking, you can't talk about statistical peaks occurring in the present tense: for all we know, the temperature might continue to rise—in which case, the temperature now wouldn't be the peak.

New York Times: Evolution on the Meat-Sex Exchange (28-Aug-03)
…[Author of the dodgy book under review] Dr. Shlain should know that the feminist revolution reached into anthropology more than 30 years ago and no one now doubts that women were big-time players in evolution. To suggest that women should have their own genus name, Gyno sapiens, seems not only dated, but a bit silly

…And classically inconsistent: the Linnean (scientific) classification, Homo sapiens (literally wise/thinking man) takes its root from the Latin word for (hu)man, homo, whereas the root Gyno is from the ancient Greek word for woman. By rights, therefore, Shlain should have concocted his fake Linnean classification for thinking woman using the Latin word for woman, viz Femina sapiens (or maybe even Femina sapienta—my Latin isn't what it used to be).

Alternatively, given it is often claimed that wisdom comes with age, he could have used the Latin word for old woman, but I suppose, if he suggested the name Anus sapiens, people would think he was being a smart-arse.

Conversation over coffee with my friend, a local farmer, this morning:

BBC: Photo shows elderly Elvis
An image of Elvis Presley as he might look today has been created by computer experts at a Scottish university.

Just one question:

Why?

Let's face it, considering he died in 1977, whatever Elvis looks like now, it's going to be pretty gross.

BBC: Quaker parrots invade Barcelona
A plague of Quaker parrots is causing alarm in the Spanish city Barcelona… The Quaker parrot is an aggressive bird and grows to an intimidating 30 centimetres (12 inches) plus in height.

Oooooooooh! Like I'm really scared… That's an intimidating—how should I put it?—pigeon-sized 12 inches! I'm almost literally quaking in my shoes!

…Mind you, pigeons can be pretty scary.