In an attempt to resurrect my stalled campaign to become a Man of Mystery and Adventure, yesterday I secreted a carrot in a special pocket in my new work suit. I then went about, letting people catch a glimpse of the carrot. When they asked, “Richard, why have you got a carrot in your pocket?”, I gave assorted replies, such as:

• I bet you say that to all the boys
• OK, who told you I was carrying?
• it’s a plant
• because there wasn’t room in my sock
• because I’ve run out of celery

Carolyn was particularly impressed, when I rendezvoused with her outside a jewellers’ shop:

“How many carats would you say that diamond is?” I asked.
“The label says 0.5.”
“Pathetic! How many carats would you say that other diamond is?”
“It says 0.6.”
“Feeble!” [Opening jacket] “And how many carrots would you say this is?”
“Did you just buy that specially to make that joke?”