Elementary, my dear Bucket

I solved a 152-year-old crime last night. And it wasn't any old crime either; it was the famous murder of the infamous Mr Tulkinghorn.

Jen and I have been spellbound by the BBC's excellent adaptation of Charles Dickens's Bleak House over recent weeks. Last night's repeated omnibus episode was the penultimate in the series, and it's building up to quite a climax. In last night's surprise ending, Agent Dana Scully narrowly escaped arrest, when the policeman from out of New Tricks nicked the dodgy maid with the even dodgier French accent instead. "Votre case, eet does not hold ze water, Monsieur Bucket!" she cried, as she was carted away by the rozzers.

And she was right: for, in a dream last night, I cracked the Tulkinghorn case wide open. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I can reveal that I know who the true murderer was. And you don't have to take my word for it: Jen (who was practising wheelies on a mountain bike at the time) agreed with my brilliant deduction.

I won't spoil it for those of you watching the series, but suffice to say that the identity of the murderer will come as a real eye-opener, involving, as it does, a representative of one of the great country families dressed in drag.

Remember, you heard it here first.

Richard Carter

A fat, bearded chap with a Charles Darwin fixation.

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