A colleague was telling me yesterday about a solicitor friend of his who was at a nightclub and lost his cloakroom ticket. They wouldn't give him his coat back when he came to leave.
"Legally speaking," explained the solicitor, after several minutes' futile argument, "I am quite entitled to come back there and retrieve the coat myself. It wouldn't be theft."
"No, mate," said the bouncer, "it would be fucking suicide."