Gordon Brown has confirmed he is willing "in principle" to take part in a TV debate ahead of the election.
Yeah, that's really what we need to re-engage the British public with politics: another platform for our party leaders to say nasty things about each other, while failing to answer any of the perfectly reasonable questions put to them. Pardon me for not watching, but I think the Hairy Bikers might be on the other side. They usually are.
Call me cynical, but this proposed TV debate is not going to interest anyone other than the six people in this country already interested in all this politics crap. The British public doesn't want any more pointless debate amongst its political leaders; it wants action. We don't want to be bored shitless by politicians; we want to be entertained. We want excitement. We want politicians to stop pussy-footing around and get stuck in.
That's right, we want a cage fight.
No, I don't mean a metaphorical cage fight; I mean an actual, no-holds-barred cage fight. In a cage. Stripped to the waist. Last man standing becomes Prime Minister. Be honest now, wouldn't you pay good money to watch that? It would justify the licence fee on its own.
I'll bet Gordon Brown is handy with his fists. And he clearly has weight advantage over his political opponents. But I hear he has a glass jaw—and, indeed, a glass eye. That should even things out a bit, as David 'Baby-Face' Cameron feigns a few left jabs, then unleashes a flailing haymaker from the far right. Meanwhile, Nick 'Kidney-Punch' Clegg (OK, I had to look his name up) is kneeing Ian Paisley in the nuts, while gouging out the eyes of the leader of the BNP (whose name I won't dignify by looking up).
Just think how much more respect our leader would command in the international arena if he had gained his post in a caged one. "Careful what you say to the British Prime Minister, Mr President: they say he killed a man with his bare hands!"
The party leaders spend all of their time these days bragging about how they're going to make deeper cuts than their opponents. Isn't it time we gave them knives and told them to put up or shut up?