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BBC: Penis is a competitive beast
[A] team from the State University of New York believe the thrust of the penis during sex may help to clear a woman's reproductive system of a previous lover's semen.
Eeeew! We're entering into serious sicko territory here:
They tested their theory in experiments using latex phalluses, an artificial vagina and a mixture of starch and water.
These people are quite clearly bonkers (ahem). I wonder what they write in their CVs.
"Can I have two of those buffalo mozzarellas, please?"
"Have you got a number?"
"Have I got a what?"
"A number."
"What sort of number?"
"A number from that roll over there, to show it's your turn to be served."
"I'm the only person here."
"It's just some of the other customers might get upset if I serve you and you haven't got a number and they have."
"There aren't any other customers."
"I know, but if some came along…"
"Well, they'd just have to wait because I was here first, wouldn't they?"
"…Mozzarella, was it?"
In the Liverpool branch of John Lewis (still known locally as George Henry Lee, despite the recent needless name change), they are selling an "Anthony Worrall Thompson Juice Extractor" for £89.50.
Hey, I'd pay that much just to watch the look on his face.
BBC: Welsh have 'survival gene'
Professor Jane Aaron, of the University of Glamorgan, has a theory on why the Welsh seem to respond to adversity with an extra effort. [She] says the Welsh have what might be likened to a survival gene - a setback prompts a renewed burst of creative energy.
Oh dear, here we go… That's likened to a survival gene; Prof Aaron is a Professor of Literarture—she's talking figuratively, not literally.
I do wish people would stop inventing new genes willy-nilly like this—especially silly (and dangerous) patriotic genes. What next? Look-you-genics? There isn't a special Welsh survival gene that magically kicks in under adverse conditions, in the same way that there aren't special Welsh genes for synchronised singing, eating leeks, and losing at rugby.
BBC: Skydiver plans Channel flight [29-Jul-03]
An Austrian with a carbon wing strapped to his back is to attempt to fly across the English Channel unaided.
Unusual use of the word unaided.
BBC: Wild horses return to Kazakhstan [30-Jul-03]
The world's only truly wild horse, known as Przewalski's horse, is to be re-introduced into Kazakhstan after becoming extinct there 60 years ago. Munich Zoo, in Germany, which bred the animals in captivity…
Unusual use of the word wild. The article continues…
"The Przewalski's survival chances are good. There are snow leopards there but they don't usually go for full grown horses," said Beatrix Rau, curator at Munich Zoo.
Well, they're hardly likely to go for horses if the horses went extinct there 60 years ago, are they?
Still, at least Ms Rau didn't claim that Przewalski's horses are rarer than giant pandas.
BBC: Virtual humans edge closer
For years, one of the main goals in computer graphics has been to recreate a totally convincing human being on screen, something that looks and acts so life-like that it is indistinguishable from a real person.
Indistinguishable from a real person, that is, provided the real person in question is a sexy young woman with enormous, gravity-defying breasts.
Which reminds me, I haven't heard from Stense for a while.
As you can see, I've added a new comments feature to each item on this page. I'm still playing around with it, and the Prime Minister has told me to sex it up a bit, but it more or less works. Why not give it a go?
BBC: TV swearing 'promotes grunt culture'
The "f-word" was used almost 1,500 times in films on the [UK's] five terrestrial television channels in the first half of this year, according to a report published by Mediawatch-UK.
Sick, sick, sick! Someone should stop them. What sort of twisted fucker spends their evenings counting swear-words on telly?
All this from an organisation whose website splash screen admits, "It may take a few seconds to come up". Must be all that bromide.
