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BBC: Britain lays claim to lasagne
Italy may be a land of lazy lunches and sun-kissed siestas, but challenge its reputation for home-grown cuisine at your peril.
Ah, yes, Italy! Famous for its siestas and its cuisine—and let's not forget its paella and its bull-fights.
OK, I admit it: I had severe misgivings about the Magic Band recording a new album without the Captain, but it's surprisingly good. More »
BBC: The purrfect crime fighter [08-Jul-03]
A new detective is on the beat in central Russia - Rusik the cat - the latest weapon in the battle against sturgeon smugglers.
Then, just four days later:
BBC: Fishy end for feline sleuth [12-Jul-03]
Russia's only sniffer cat, which was taken on to track down sturgeon smugglers, has been run over and killed… Police believe it was a contract killing.
A stupid story just got stupider. Don't you just love stuff like that?
BBC: Maguire says Spider-Man 2 'better'
Spider-Man actor Tobey Maguire has said the forthcoming sequel is "better" than the original.
For those of us who saw the original, this will come as no surprise whatsoever. Just for the record, it was pants—spider pants.
And while I'm in the mood for slagging off Marvel™-type-comic-related films, am I the only person who thinks the new Incredible Hulk looks like something that came free with a Big Mac™? Watch this space…
BBC: Nuns seek Mother Teresa copyright [09-Jul-03]
The order of nuns founded by Mother Teresa has applied for copyright to her name in an attempt to stop its exploitation by commercial interests.
As in so many other matters, where Elvis leads, Mother Teresa follows. I'm sure this has absolutely nothing to do with trying to corner the lucrative "Saint Teresa" market, no siree, Bob.
Apparently, after the precident has been set, the pope plans to copyright the name "John Paul", then demand a retrospective share of the Beatles' profits.
BBC: US man wakes from 19-year coma [09-Jul-03]
A man from the US state of Arkansas has regained consciousness after spending 19 years in a coma.
The world must seem so different to the one he left in 1984. Why, back then, everyone was talking about George Orwell, Eddie Murphy was a top US box office attraction, the majority of Americans didn't believe in evolution, and there was a bumbling Republican war-monger in the Oval Office.
BBC: Inspired Federer wins Wimbledon
Roger Federer produced a tennis masterclass to claim his first Grand Slam title with a demolition of Mark Philippoussis.
This is fantastic news. Roger Federer has won the Wimbledon tennis championship. Do you realise what this means? No more Wimbledon for another 50 whole weeks! Magic mustard. Now, would it be asking too much for normal service to be resumed on our television screens, do you think?
Me in the post office:
"Do you sell stamps?"
BBC: Lightning hits preacher after call to God
A congregation in the United States was left stunned when lightning struck a church moments after a visiting preacher asked God for a sign… The lightning struck the steeple, then hit the preacher himself when it travelled through electrical wiring to his microphone… Afterwards services resumed, however churchgoers realised after 20 minutes that the building was on fire and evacuated.
I wonder what it was they evacuated.
Let's not get too excited about this apparently divine intervention: there was a thunderstorm already in progress when this preacher issued his challenge to the almighty, the church had a steeple (making it a pretty likely target for a lightning strike), and, as one congregation member remarked, "he just kept asking God what else he needed to say" [my emphasis]—so he evidently kept going until he got a result.
OK, Lord, I'm giving you until a count of three to show us a sign: One… Two… erm… Two-and-a-half… Two-and-threeeeeeee-quaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrterrrrrr… ZAP! Halleluja! It's a miracle!
All this from the country with the world's largest nuclear arsenal. Truly frightening.
Meet Murphy, my new car. Murphy is an Audi A2 TDi SE, with: a 1400cc 3-cylinder inline, diesel engine incorporating an exhaust-gas turbocharger; pump injector direct injection with turbocharger engine management system; oxidisation catalytic converter; exhaust-gas recirculation; front wheel drive with electronic stability programme (ESP); hydraulically-operated single dry plate clutch with asbestos-free linings; 5-speed manual, synchromesh on all ratio; McPherson struts with lower wishbones; track stabilising steering geometry; double-tube gas-filled shock absorbers; torsion-beam rear axle with track correcting bearings; anti-roll bar; diagonally split dual circuit, anti-lock brake system (ABS) with electronic brake-force; 6j x 16 'six spoke' design alloy wheels; power-assisted, maintenance-free rack-and-pinion steering with track-stabilising steering-roll radius.
I have no idea what any of that horse-shit means.
Audi… Murphy… Geddit?